[Essay] Please check my 2 mini essay

Rina2704

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2016
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Russian
Home Country
Kazakhstan
Current Location
Kazakhstan
At my age self-improvement is a very important part of my life. So to visit your country and especially to learn in your University will give me a huge plus to the development of my personality and my career. Because in terms of personality I can see a very different country and culture from which I learn something and I hope that my thinking horizons expanded and my dreams of travel will be closer. In terms of career I would like to study the economy of your country and how it affects on culture and traditions and how does your country cope with the global crisis. And also explore your accounting system which distributes funds for beautiful architecture and infrastructure projects and the development of the city and the country at all.


I have excellent communication and organizational skills since I am the head of the accounting group in my university for 3 years. I like to learn languages. Now I am learning Chinese and I want to learn another one. But I don't decision yet. I study Chinese at the university course. I was lucky enough to go to Turkey twice and I can a little bit understand their language because Turkish is similar to my native Kazakh language. In China, I went to summer school to learn Chinese for free within a month. These two trips gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and learn to live independently in another country.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Let's look at the second brief essay.

For the first sentence, try:

I have excellent communication and organizational skills, and I have been the head of the accounting department here at_______ University for the past three years.
 
Last edited:

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Two things. Trying to read the first one makes me dizzy. I have to go eat breakfast now, but I'll be back.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Third sentence. Say:

I am currently learning Chinese, and I would like to learn another language.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Fourth sentence. Say:

But I haven't decided which language I would like to study.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Fifth sentence. Say:

I study Chinese at university.

And:

I have visited Turkey twice, and I understand the Turkish language a little because it is similar to my native Kazakh language.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Say:

In China, I went to summer school for a month to learn Chinese for free.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
These two trips gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and learn to live independently in another country.

Say:
The three trips I took (two to Turkey and one to China) gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and to learn to live independently in another country.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
The first one is too confusing for me to do anything with. I suggest that you rewrite it and post it separately.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
I suggest that you rewrite it and post it separately.

That is good advice at all times on this forum. One piece of writing per thread please.
 
Top