Please check this lyrics and give me a feedback

Yanko

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2017
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Russian
Home Country
Russian Federation
Current Location
Russian Federation
Dear teachers,

I'm trying to write short songs in English but I'm not always sure about it in terms of grammar and how natural it sounds for an English speakers.
It is not so critical to me that if it make sense for everyone and have rhymes but anyways I would like to hear your your opinion.
What can you tell me about next lyrics:

"Years passing, wind blows in my head
Nothing matters now and just let it be as it is.
Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time
It is just a way of living and this is not a crime.
When I'll get along with destiny?
Where I am gonna find my own space?
Whether here or any other place
I am ready pack my suitcase"

Thank you!
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Dear teachers,

I'm trying to write short songs in English but I'm not always sure about [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] them in terms of grammar and how natural [STRIKE]it sounds[/STRIKE] they sound [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] English speakers.

It is not [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] critical to me that [STRIKE]if[/STRIKE] it makes sense [strike]for[/strike] to everyone and [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] that it rhymes but [STRIKE]anyways[/STRIKE] I would like to hear your your opinion anyway.

What can you tell me about the [STRIKE]next[/STRIKE] following lyrics?

"Years passing, wind blows in my head
Nothing matters now and just let it be as it is.
Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time
It is just a way of living and this is not a crime.
When I'll get along with destiny?
Where I am gonna find my own space?
Whether here or any other place
I am ready pack my suitcase"Thank you!

The good news for you is that song lyrics frequently break multiple grammatical rules. You can get away with just about anything in a song. If you really look at song lyrics, many of them are nonsense!
I don't know if you've written your lyrics to fit in with the rhythm. If so, you're presumably aiming for specific numbers of syllables in each line. If that's not important, I'd suggest the following improvements to the grammar:

Years pass, the wind blows in my head.
Nothing matters now. Just let it be.
Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time.
It is just a way of life and it is not a crime.
When will I get along with destiny? (This is the right word order for a question but I have no idea how someone would get along with destiny.)
Where am I gonna find my own space? (I've left "gonna" because it's a song. Otherwise, it would be "going to".)
Whether here or any other place
I'm ready to pack my suitcase.

(If this song becomes successful, I'll be looking for my share of the writing royalties! ;-))
 
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