Please help me check and edit it?

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ping0303

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May 4, 2010
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Student or Learner
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[FONT=新細明體]This is a short script, could you help me check and edit it?[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Thanks a lot.:)[/FONT]

[FONT=新細明體][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]<David is waiting for Eden, because he knows Eden has a class on the morning>[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體] [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden :Dad , I have to go now! Bye!( sleep over the time , then run out of the door)[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Brian : Eden , you forget to bring your breakfast! (go out the door) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: uncle! I can take the breakfast to Eden !(hear the words of Eden said, immediately go to next door to take breakfast with Brian) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Brian: Really ! Thank you very much![/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: Wait! You must have to remember to eat breakfast!(At the moment Eden is going to the class, Eden takes the breakfast for Eden)[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體] [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]<Or, when see Eden need help> [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體](it’s raining after the class) [/FONT]
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[FONT=新細明體]Eden: oops , I forget to bring an umbrella..[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: you will catch a cold !(he see Eden have no umbrella ,go with Eden) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體] [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]<Or suddenly see Eden is pouring a trash> [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden:(take a trash with hard look)[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David:Let me do that!(he pretending pass and help Eden take the trash ,when he see Eden there) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: We meet again[FONT=&#26032]!(after pouring the trash) [/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Yes[FONT=&#26032]![/FONT]I would like to go home now [FONT=&#26032]![/FONT]And you[FONT=&#26032]?[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David:[/FONT]Un..(with hesitant look..teacher says that if I don’t go to the calss,he may fails me.. but.when David think he can go home with Eden happily ,he immediately says ) yes, I want to go home ,too. Let’s go!
[FONT=新細明體] [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Do you think we meet often ? It’s so strange..[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: ha! I think it must be destiny!(hold the Eden's hand)[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體][/FONT]
 

Raymott

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Joined
Jun 29, 2008
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
English
Home Country
Australia
Current Location
Australia
[FONT=新細明體]This is a short script, could you help me check and edit it?[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Thanks a lot.:)[/FONT]


[FONT=新細明體]<David is waiting for Eden, because he knows Eden has a class on the morning>[/FONT]

[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Dad, I have to go now! Bye!( sleep over the time[?] , then runs out of the door)[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Brian: Eden, you forget to [/FONT][STRIKE]bring[/STRIKE] take[FONT=新細明體] your breakfast! (goes out the door) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: Uncle! I can take the breakfast to Eden! (hears the words [/FONT][STRIKE]of[/STRIKE][FONT=新細明體] Eden said, immediately goes to next door to take breakfast with Brian [?]) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Brian: Really! Thank you very much![/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: Wait! You must [/FONT][STRIKE]have to[/STRIKE][FONT=新細明體] remember to eat breakfast! (At the moment Eden is going to the class, Eden [?] takes the breakfast for Eden)[/FONT]

[FONT=新細明體]<Or, when he sees Eden needs help> [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體](it's raining after the class) [/FONT]

[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Oops, I forget to bring an umbrella...[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: You will catch a cold! (he sees Eden has no umbrella, goes with Eden) [/FONT]

[FONT=新細明體]<Or suddenly sees Eden is emptying [/FONT][STRIKE]a[/STRIKE][FONT=新細明體] trash> [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden: (take a trash with hard look)[/FONT][?]
[FONT=新細明體]David: Let me do that! (he pretends to pass and help Eden take the trash, when he see Eden there) [/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: We meet again[FONT=&#26032]! (after pouring the trash) [/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Yes[FONT=&#26032]! [/FONT]I would like to go home now[FONT=&#26032]![/FONT]And you[FONT=&#26032]?[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David:[/FONT] Um ... (with hesitant look ...) Teacher says that if I don’t go to the class, he may fail me ... (but when David thinks he can go home with Eden happily, he immediately says:) yes, I want to go home, too. Let’s go!

[FONT=新細明體]Eden: Do you think we meet often ? It's so strange...[/FONT]
[FONT=新細明體]David: ha! I think it must be destiny!(holds Eden's hand)[/FONT]
[?] The bits marked like this, I don't understand.
Punctuation: word mark space word. For example, "home ,too" is wrong. I have fixed it all. You'll notice that this pattern is invariable.
Three dots for an ellipsis ...
 
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