Please help me check grammar , vocabulary in this essay and fix it if it has any mistakes. Thank you !

[odehfreelancer]

Subject : Business visits To Company “XY”

With refer to our last year meetings about Business visits of Jordanian Senior Engineers to “XY” premises , I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• we had agreed last year to hold two visits to “XY”, but actually one visit where hold on last year summer ( 2024 ) , while the second visit was canceled from “XY” side .
• On the other hand , as we promise our orders from “XY” was increased after the last summer Business visit ,so that again I need to increase my sales from “XY”, so that I have bad need to plan two trips to “XY” and one seminar from “XY” in Amman during year 2025.
• We should schedule the business visits during 2025 , since our competitors did many trips and seminars to Senior Engineers more than ours.
• Finally as you know my core business in “XY” materials , during my business time I had spent more than €500,000 in marketing “XY” products, and still I pay every day to serve “XY” in my market, so I expect our partnership with “XY” will support our relation with quick reply & facilitate our business visits for Senior Engineers.

 

[teechar]

Note that what you wrote is not an essay. It looks like a summary report.

Subject : Business visits To Company “XY”

In English, the word "company" is not typically used in company names!
For example:
We visited Microsoft last summer.
We visited Microsoft Company last summer.

With reference to our last year meetings last year about Business regarding the visits of by Jordanian Senior Engineers to Megasoft, premises , I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• We had agreed last year to hold make two visits to “XY”, Megasoft, but actually only one visit where hold on was actually made (during) last year summer (2024), while the second visit was canceled by Megasoft. from “XY” side .
• On the other hand, and as we promised, our orders from “XY” was we increased our orders from Megasoft after the last summer's business visit ,

I found it difficult to understand the rest of your text, which is why I stopped there. Rewrite it using shorter and simpler sentences. Post below.
Note that I used "Megasoft" as a dummy company name.

 

[odehfreelancer]

Thanks a lot for your help and review , please find below I repeat writing shorter and simpler sentences.:
Subject : Business visits To Megasoft

With reference to our meetings last year regarding the visits by Jordanian Senior Engineers to Megasoft, I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• We had agreed last year to make two visits to Megasoft, but only one visit was actually made (during) last year summer (2024), while the second visit was canceled by Megasoft.
• On the other hand, and as promised, we increased our orders from Megasoft after last summer's business visit ,
• FYI ( for your information ) we had noted that our competitors arrange many business trips to the Italian companies for the Jordain Senoir Engineers , so that there sales was increased .
• According to market trends of the competitors , we plan to increase our sales from Megasoft , so that urgently we need to schedule two business visits to Megasoft and one seminar from Megasoft ( talker is one Engineer from Megasoft ) in Amman during the rest months of year 2025.

• Finally, during the last 25 years , my core business in selling and marketing Megasoft Products , so that I had spent more than €500,000 in marketing Megasoft products, and still I pay for that target every day to serve Megasoft in my market, so I expect our partnership with Megasoft will support our relation with facilitate our business visits for Senior Engineers.

 

[Gloria online]

Subject : Business visits To Company “XY”

With refer to our last year meetings about Business visits of Jordanian Senior Engineers to “XY” premises , I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• we had agreed last year to hold two visits to “XY”, but actually one visit where hold on last year summer ( 2024 ) , while the second visit was canceled from “XY” side .
• On the other hand , as we promise our orders from “XY” was increased after the last summer Business visit ,so that again I need to increase my sales from “XY”, so that I have bad need to plan two trips to “XY” and one seminar from “XY” in Amman during year 2025.
• We should schedule the business visits during 2025 , since our competitors did many trips and seminars to Senior Engineers more than ours.
• Finally as you know my core business in “XY” materials , during my business time I had spent more than €500,000 in marketing “XY” products, and still I pay every day to serve “XY” in my market, so I expect our partnership with “XY” will support our relation with quick reply & facilitate our business visits for Senior Engineers.

[ Attachment deleted by moderator]

 

[Gloria online]

Hi there
I see that you have made some considerable changes already and these are great. I have given you a structure of sort and some advice about writing for Business.
Tell me what you think...

 

[teechar]

Thanks a lot for your help and review. Please find below I repeat (the new version of ) my writing in shorter and simpler sentences:
Subject : Business visits To Megasoft

With reference to our meetings last year regarding the visits by Jordanian Senior Engineers to Megasoft, I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• We had agreed last year to make two visits to Megasoft, but only one visit was actually made (during) last year summer (2024), while the second visit was canceled by Megasoft.
• On the other hand, and as promised, we increased our orders from Megasoft after last summer's business visit.
• FYI ( for your information ) we had noted that our competitors arrange many business trips to [ 1] the Italian companies for the [ 2] Jordanian Senior Engineers, so that there sales was and that has increased their sales.
• According to [ 3] market trends of the competitors, we plan to increase our sales from Megasoft , so that urgently and so we urgently need to schedule two business visits to Megasoft and [ 4] one seminar from Megasoft (talker speaker is one Engineer from Megasoft ) in Amman during the rest remaining months of year 2025.
• [ 5] Finally, during the last 25 years , my core business in selling and marketing Megasoft Products , so that I had spent more than €500,000 in marketing Megasoft products, and still I pay for that target every day to serve Megasoft in my market, so I expect our partnership with Megasoft will support our relation with facilitate our business visits for Senior Engineers.

[ 1]: Are you referring to specific Italian companies, or Italian companies in general?
[ 2]: The business roles/relationships are not exactly clear here. Are your competitors some kind of agency that arrange business trips for Jordanian Senior Engineers to visit Italian companies?
[3]: "Market trends" is a general thing. Do you mean "the marketing strategies of our competitors" instead?
[ 4]: Who will organize that seminar?
[ 5]: That's unclear. Rewrite it in simple and short sentences.

 

[odehfreelancer]

With reference to our meetings last year regarding the visits by Jordanian Senior Engineers to Megasoft, I want to draw your kind attention to the following:

• We had agreed last year to make two visits to Megasoft, but only one visit was actually made (during) last summer (2024), while the second visit was canceled by Megasoft.
• On the other hand, and as promised, we increased our orders from Megasoft after last summer's business visit.
• FYI we had noted that our competitors arrange many business visits for Jordanian Senior Engineers to specific Italian companies which have there agencies, so that the competitors has increased their sales.
• According to the marketing strategies of our competitors, we plan to increase our sales from Megasoft , and so we urgently need to schedule two business visits to Megasoft also we plan to organize one seminar in Amman (speaker is one Engineer from Megasoft ) .during the remaining months of 2025.
• We are the authorized sole exclusive Megasoft agent in Amman from year 2012, so that during my agency to Megasoft we had spent more than €500,000 as our main below expenses:

• Renting big show rooms, office, big store ( with Total annual renting cost is €32,500/year ) .
• Employed Senior Engineers staff for ( design , sales and supervising) (with Total annual salaries around €34,250/year ) .
• Transportation and promotional materials cost annual €13,750.
• Finally , according to that situation and our cooperation with Megasoft ,we look forward to your valuable response to send quick approval confirmation for business visits and the Seminar .

 

[teechar]

FYI we had noted that our competitors arrange many business visits for Jordanian Senior Engineers to [ 1] Italian companies which have there their agencies, so that the competitors has have increased their sales.

• According to In response to the marketing strategies of our competitors, we plan to increase our sales from Megasoft, [ 2] and so we urgently need to schedule two business visits to Megasoft, also and we plan to organize one seminar in Amman (speaker is one [ 3] engineer from Megasoft) during the remaining months of 2025.
• We are have been the authorized sole exclusive authorized Megasoft agent in Amman from year since 2012, so that during my agency to Megasoft and in that period we had have spent more than €500,000 as our main below in expenses, as outlined below:
• Renting big large showrooms, offices, big store and warehouses (with total annual rent ing cost is of €32,500/year).
• Employed [ 4] Senior Engineers staff for design, sales and supervision ng) (with total annual salaries around €34,250/year).
• Transportation and promotional materials costing annual €13,750 annually.
• Finally, according to that situation the circumstances outlined above and our long-term cooperation with Megasoft, we look forward to your prompt valuable response to send quick approval and confirmation for the business visits and the seminar.

[ 1]: If you and the person you're addressing know which Italian companies you are referring to, use "the Italian companies". Otherwise, use "Italian companies".
[ 2]: Do not put a space before a punctuation mark.
[ 3]: Do not capitalize words unnecessarily.
[ 4]: If this is not the name of a business, then write "senior engineers" (no capitals).