Please Review my Letter

[lirisnareswari]

Dear Sir/ Madam,

My name is Tantri. I am a fresh graduate pharmacist from Universitas XXX, Indonesia. During my study concern about the standardization of crude extract of herbal medicine, and I realize that one of the methods to standardize it is by the metabolomics study.
I have seen about the master program in XXX University and I want to make sure that my interest is related to the subject. So, if I want to continue my study about the metabolomics study especially in herbal medicine, should I continue in XXX University? Is it the right place?
I have already read about the other program but I am a little bit confused to choose whether the master of Plant Science and Natural Product or Animal Science and Health to continue my study. Please kindly give me an advice. Thank You.




Best Regards,
XXX XXX

 

[Tarheel]

The first two sentences are fine, but the third sentence is confusing. In fact, it is so confusing that I don't have any suggestions.

Two things. You need to space between paragraphs. Make any changes in a separate post.

 

[Tarheel]

Second paragraph. Perhaps:

I have heard about the master's program at XXX University, and I want to make sure it's what I'm looking for.

Or:

I have heard about the master's program at XXX University, and I want to make sure it's a good fit for me.

 

[lirisnareswari]

Dear Sir/ Madam,

My name is Tantri. I am a fresh graduate pharmacist from Universitas XXX, Indonesia. During my bachelor degree, I concerned about the standardization of crude extract of herbal medicine, and I realize that one of the methods to standardize it is by the metabolomics study.

I have heard about the master's program at XXX University, and I want to make sure it's what I'm looking for. So, if I want to continue my study about the metabolomics study especially in herbal medicine, should I continue in XXX University? Is it the right place?
I have already read about the other program but I am a little bit confused to choose whether the master of Plant Science and Natural Product or Animal Science and Health to continue my study. Please kindly give me an advice. Thank You.


Best Regards,
XXX XXX


Ps: Is it right?

 

[Tarheel]

First paragraph. Third sentence. Perhaps:

While studying for my bachelor's degree I learned about the standardization of crude extract of herbal medicine, and I realize that one of the methods for standardizing it is the metabolomics study.

:?:

 

[Tarheel]

Second paragraph. Second sentence. Perhaps:

So, if I want to continue my study about the metabalomics study, especially in herbal medicine, should I continue at XXX University?

 

[Tarheel]

Third paragraph. First sentence. Perhaps:

I have already read about the other program, but I can't decide between Plant Science and Natural Products or Animal Science and Health to continue my studies.

And:

Please advise me.

(See next post.)

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Please give me some advice.

The word "advice" is a noncount noun. So we can't have one of them.

 

[Tarheel]

You could send the person a nice thank you note after you have been admitted to the program.

 

[lirisnareswari]

So do you mean I don't have to use words, "Thank you" in my letter?

 

[Tarheel]

So do you mean I don't have to use words, "Thank you" in my letter?

Yes, that is my opinion. (Feel free to disagree. I am sure somebody will.)