question about "who" and "whom"

[quirrell]

I know that guy named Tom, who I met in New York a few years ago.
I know that guy named Tom, whom I met in New York a few years ago.

Are the both sentences grammatically okay? I heard that after the comma(,), we can only use "whom" when the objective is missing in the follwoing sentence.

 

[Annabel Lee]

I heard that after the comma(,), we can only use "whom" when the objective is missing in the follwoing sentence.

After a comma, you are forced to choose between "who" and "whom." That is, you don't have the escape of using a zero relative (no relative pronoun) or a "that"-relative clause. When forced to choose, I do choose "whom" if the relative pronoun functions as the object of a verb (as it does in your example) or the object of a preposition within the relative clause. However, many would find it fine to write "who" there, and in live native-speaker speech you'd hear "who" there 8 or 9 times out of 10.

 

[Tarheel]

I consider "whom" pretty much obsolete. However, I am not an English teacher by profession. Therefore, I am not committed to using words that are fading out of use.

 

[quirrell]

After a comma, you are forced to choose between "who" and "whom." That is, you don't have the escape of using a zero relative (no relative pronoun) or a "that"-relative clause. When forced to choose, I do choose "whom" if the relative pronoun functions as the object of a verb (as it does in your example) or the object of a preposition within the relative clause. However, many would find it fine to write "who" there, and in live native-speaker speech you'd hear "who" there 8 or 9 times out of 10.

Thanks a lot!