Some people think having a university degree is ...

[AnaEng]

I have been trying to reach plus 7 in IELTS writing, but my first attempt was disappointed in which I got 6 in writing task. I really need a IELTS tutor to polish my writing and helps me to move from 6 to 7+ . It took me about two days to complete it. Any advice and proofreading would be appreciated.

The question as it follows:

Some people think having a University degree is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe skills and experience are more important.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

While some people argue that a university degree is essential for securing a good job, others believe that skills and experience matter. In my opinion, practical skills and experience often outweigh academic qualifications.

The university degree serves a proof of one's established skills and knowledge. Holding a university degree helps many around the world to secure jobs as it works as a catalyst to accelerate one's recruitment. During the studying stage, students engage in a complete learning journey in which they learn from teachers, peers ,and textbooks. Thus, the certificate is a credible source of recruitment nowadays. Therefore, many believe the university degree outweighs self learning to acquire knowledge. Opt for university degree facilitate its holder to get the job any where and every where as long as it's a credible one.

Skills and experience are the two significant contributors to success in today's world. Both experience and skills come from different sources; from the jobs you have worked in, the people you have met and from non human resources such as books, academic journal and audio visual ones. Further, self-learning deepens one's knowledge and skills in all respects. Historically, many great scholars in Greece and Egypt didn't have university qualifications ,but they taught themselves and sought knowledge by all costs.Many think a university degree is a waste of time and money .As a result, many refrain from applying to advanced studies after high school. In addition, scholarships are given to distinguished students and competing to win fully funded opportunities is a hardship.

In conclusion, although a university degree can open doors to many career opportunities, I believe that hands-on skills and real-world experience are more valuable in securing and succeeding in a job.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

The first time I tried I was disappointed because I didn't do as well as I thought I would.

 

[emsr2d2]

I have been trying to reach plus 7+ in IELTS writing, but my first attempt was disappointed disappointing in which because I got 6 in the writing task. It took me about two days to complete it. I really need a IELTS tutor to polish my writing and helps help me to move from 6 to 7+. It took me about two days to complete it. Any advice and proofreading would be appreciated.

Note my corrections above.

The question is as it follows:

Some people think having a University degree is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe skills and experience are more important.

Before we continue, please tell us where you found that writing task prompt. We need the title of the book or website, and the name(s) of the author(s).
Did the prompt really have a capital "U" on "University"?

 

[AnaEng]

Note my corrections above.

Before we continue, please tell us where you found that writing task prompt. We need the title of the book or website, and the name(s) of the author(s).

Thanks.

I found the question on this link.

https://www.reddit.com/r/IELTS/comments/1et0kda/whats_the_band_for_this_i_was_going_to_say_if

I don't know if it was extracted from a book or if it is actually a real exam question.

Did the prompt really have a capital "U" on "University"?

No.

 

[emsr2d2]

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe skills and experience are more important.

Make sure you copy the prompt exactly.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

I think the order in which those two things come is important.

While some people argue that a university degree is essential for securing a good job, others believe that skills and experience matter.

This seems to simply be a paraphrase of the prompt. I don't believe it's necessary. It looks as if you're just trying to increase your word count.

In my opinion, practical skills and experience often outweigh academic qualifications.

This is your opinion and, I believe, should come at the end of the essay.

The A university degree serves as proof of one's established skills and knowledge.

I agree that it serves as proof of knowledge (of the degree subject at least). Unless there's a practical side to the degree, I don't think it's proof of one's skills.

Holding a university degree helps many people around the world to secure jobs as it works as a catalyst to accelerate one's recruitment. increases their chance of successful recruitment.

During the While studying, stage, students engage in a complete learning journey in which they learn from teachers, peers no comma here and textbooks.

Thus, the certificate is a credible source of recruitment nowadays.

Do you mean that recruiters see a degree as a credible sign of someone's knowledge or that it shows they have undergone a "complete learning journey"?

Therefore, many believe the studying for a university degree outweighs is better than self-learning study in order to acquire knowledge.

I don't know why this starts with "Therefore". The preceding sentences don't demonstrate how formally studying for a degree is better than self-study.

Opting for a university degree facilitates its the holder to get the a job anywhere and everywhere as long as it's in a credible one subject.

That's all I have time for at the moment. Please bear in mind that I have no experience of teaching students specifically for the IELTS writing task so someone else will almost certainly have more advice for you. I have simply made the changes and corrections I would make to any piece of writing.

 

[AnaEng]

This seems to simply be a paraphrase of the prompt. I don't believe it's necessary. It looks as if you're just trying to increase your word count.

Thank you for taking the initiative to correct my essay.

This is what many IELTS experts say that you need to paraphrase the prompt and add your opinion if you asked for

This is your opinion and, I believe, should come at the end of the essay.

They say when answering an IELTS writing task 2, you have to write your opinion in the introduction and in conclusion when discussing both views.

I agree that it serves as proof of knowledge (of the degree subject at least). Unless there's a practical side to the degree, I don't think it's proof of one's skills.

You somehow right. But I would argue that many BA programs have projects and practicum in which students present and and teach so practical knowledge is included in any university degree, I think.

Do you mean that recruiters see a degree as a credible sign of someone's knowledge or that it shows they have undergone a "complete learning journey"?

Yes, it is definitely a credible source of someone's knowledge. You might think of forged certificates. Well there are many ways to verify its credibility, the recruiters may contact the university from which they graduated or the embassy of the job candidate to see if it is forged or real. To determine whether they fits well for a job, the interview and job written exam can prove that.

That's all I have time for at the moment. Please bear in mind that I have no experience of teaching students specifically for the IELTS writing task so someone else will almost certainly have more advice for you. I have simply made the changes and corrections I would make to any piece of writing.

Please carry on correction

thank your for your effort and time.

 

[Tarheel]

You have some things to work on. I'll make more comments after breakfast.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Thank you for the corrections.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Many IELTS experts say you should paraphrase the prompt and briefly state your opinion.

 

[AnaEng]

Try:

Many IELTS experts say you should paraphrase the prompt and briefly state your opinion.

Thanks.

I won't give my opinion unless the prompt says that. There are more than one types of questions one is to discuss without giving your opinion and the other is hybrid that means your discuss both views and lean on a side.

 

[Tarheel]

Oh Lord!

Thanks.

I won't give my opinion unless the prompt says that. There are more than one types of questions one is to discuss without giving your opinion and the other is hybrid that means your discuss both views and lean on a side.

I'm not sure what that means, and I don't you know what it means. I suggest that you write shorter, simpler sentences.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

They say that when doing an IELTS writing task you need to state your opinion both at the beginning and at the end.

 

[AnaEng]

Oh Lord!


I'm not sure what that means, and I don't you know what it means. I suggest that you write shorter, simpler sentences.

There are different types of IELTS Writing Task 2 questions: one requires discussing both views without stating your own opinion, and the other is a hybrid type, where you discuss both views and choose a side.

 

[Tarheel]

There are different types of IELTS Writing Task 2 questions: one requires discussing both views without stating your own opinion, and the other is a hybrid type, where you discuss both views and choose a side.

That's better!