[Essay] Success (essay)

EDarcy

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Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.
What is your opnion?

Hello! I need some help with finding appropriate way to paraphrase the expressions in bold. I have been searching synonyms but I am not sure how to use them in my essay. I will be very thankful if someone help me to improve the vocabulary in this piece of writing. Also, can anyone tell me if the essay has good structure or not? Thank you!
P.S.: If you find any grammatical or lexical errors, please mark them.
Some people believe that the intellectual capacity of an individual can be best measured by his or her success in life. Others support the idea that there are other methods of measuring one’s mental ability. In my opinion, I think that exist other means of measuring intelligence which exclude success.

To begin with, some people consider success the most accurate measure for intelligence. There are many reasons for this opinion. Many persons in modern society are deemed intelligent because they have succeeded in their careers. Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg are only a small part of examples for people who have achieved much in their lives. Very often these people are believed to have succeeded because of their extraordinary intellectual capacity. For these reasons, success is said to be universal measure for intelligence.

On the other hand, success is not enough reliable means by which intellect can be measured. Recently, scientists have proven that intelligence is equal to the individuals’ adaptability. The ability to adapt to the constantly changing world is a more proper way to define one’s intellectual capacity. For example, human beings have survived throughout all these years because of their unique mental abilities which are best represented in the way they adjust to the new conditions. For this reason, adaptability is, undoubtedly, another method of measuring intelligence.

In conclusion, some people deem success superior to any other measure for intelligence. Others believe that there are other ways which can also be used to measure individual’s intellect. I strongly believe that success is not the best way for measuring one’s mental abilities. For me, there are also other ways for defining how intelligent a person is. One of them is by observing their adaptability and how they react to changes.
 

teechar

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Hello! I need some help with finding appropriate ways to paraphrase the expressions in bold. I have been searching for synonyms, but I am not sure how to use them in my essay. I will be very thankful if someone helps me to improve the vocabulary in this piece of writing. Also, can anyone tell me if the essay has a good structure or not? Thank you!
P.S.: If you find any grammatical or lexical errors, please mark them.

Some people believe that [STRIKE]the intellectual capacity of[/STRIKE] an individual's intelligence can be best [STRIKE]measured[/STRIKE] evaluated by his or her success in life. Others, however, argue [STRIKE]support the idea[/STRIKE] that there are other criteria by which to gauge intelligence. [STRIKE]methods of measuring[/STRIKE][STRIKE] one’s mental ability.[/STRIKE] In my opinion, I think that there are better indicators of [STRIKE]exist other means of measuring[/STRIKE] intelligence [STRIKE]which exclude[/STRIKE] than success.

To begin with, some people consider success the most accurate barometer of cleverness. [STRIKE]measure for intelligence.[/STRIKE]There are many reasons for this opinion. Many persons in modern society are deemed intelligent because they have succeeded in their careers. Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg are only a [STRIKE]small part of[/STRIKE] few examples for people who have achieved much in their lives. Very often [STRIKE]these[/STRIKE] such people are believed to have succeeded because of their extraordinary intellectual capacity. [STRIKE]For these reasons, success is said to be universal measure for intelligence.
[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]On the other hand,[/STRIKE] Nevertheless, success is not [STRIKE]enough[/STRIKE] a sufficiently reliable [STRIKE]means[/STRIKE] mark by which intellect can be measured. Recently, scientists have proven that intelligence is [STRIKE]equal to the[/STRIKE] directly related to an individual's adaptability. The ability to adapt to the constantly changing world is a more [STRIKE]proper way to define[/STRIKE] accurate way of assessing one’s intellectual capacity. For example, human beings have survived throughout all these years because of [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] our unique mental abilities which are best represented in the way [STRIKE]they[/STRIKE] we adjust to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] new conditions. For this reason, adaptability is, undoubtedly, [STRIKE]another[/STRIKE] a much more useful indicator [STRIKE]method[/STRIKE] of [STRIKE]measuring[/STRIKE] intelligence.

In conclusion, although some people deem success superior to any other measure [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] of intelligence, [STRIKE]Others believe that[/STRIKE] there are, in fact, better [STRIKE]other[/STRIKE] ways [STRIKE]which can also be used to measure[/STRIKE] of evaluating an individual’s intellect. I strongly believe that success is not the best way [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] of measuring one’s mental abilities. For me, there are also other ways [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] of defining how intelligent a person is. One of them is by observing their adaptability and how they react to change.
.
 
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Tarheel

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Dan: Some people think success is the best measure of intelligence.
Stan: Well, I don't know if it's the best measure, but it's certainly a good one.
Dan: I think you're right.
Stan: I have another thought.
Dan: What's that?
Stan: A better thread title.
 
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