tantalizingly good and harmless

[alpacinou]

Hello.

In my short story, there are two mafia bosses at war. One of them sends an attractive woman to destroy the other. I want to suggest the woman was very tempting.

Can I use the word "tantalizingly"? Now, I have written a sentence which I know doesn't work for speaking but is it a good sentence for writing?

She was a poison pill, one that looked so tantalizingly good and harmless.

Also, what about the two adjectives that come after it? Do I have other options?

 

[emsr2d2]

In my short story, there are two mafia bosses at war. One of them sends an attractive woman to destroy the other. I want to suggest the woman was very tempting. Can I use the word "tantalizingly"? Yes, you can.

[STRIKE]Now,[/STRIKE] I have written a sentence which I know doesn't work [STRIKE]for speaking[/STRIKE] when spoken but is it a good written sentence? [STRIKE]for writing?[/STRIKE]

She was a poison pill, but one that looked [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] tantalizingly good and harmless.

Also, what about the two adjectives that come after it? Do I have other options?

See above. "Harmless" is fine but many editors will recommend you avoid wishy-washy adjectives like "good" and "nice". I'm sure you can come up with something else.

 

[alpacinou]

See above. "Harmless" is fine but many editors will recommend you avoid wishy-washy adjectives like "good" and "nice". I'm sure you can come up with something else.

I see. Do these work? Which one is better?

1. tantalizingly alluring
2. tantalizingly seductive
3. tantalizingly tempting

I need to make sure that they are not a miscollocation.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Those all seem redundant and wordy. Why not just say she looked tantalizing?

 

[Tdol]

Not sure about poison pill.

 

[alpacinou]

Those all seem redundant and wordy. Why not just say she looked tantalizing?

Because I need to use "tantalizingly" as and adverb and have it followed by "harmless" as ad adjective. But I can't say "tantalizingly harmless," can I?

 

[emsr2d2]

Because I need to use "tantalizingly" as and adverb and have it followed by "harmless" as ad adjective. But I can't say "tantalizingly harmless," can I?

I'm sure I've asked you a similar question before but why do you need to use those words? Who is forcing you to use them?

 

[alpacinou]

I'm sure I've asked you a similar question before but why do you need to use those words? Who is forcing you to use them?

You are right. My bad. I "want" to use to those words.

 

[tedmc]

You are right. My bad. I "want" to use[STRIKE] to[/STRIKE] those words.

.

 

[alpacinou]

.

Thanks for the correction.

Let's see what natives think about the collocations.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You are right. My bad. I "want" to use to those words.

Aha! I was wondering who said you had to use them.

So good. That means you can let go of them. Or you can use them somewhere else.

That would be better than trying to squeeze too many ideas into sentences. Your "tantalizingly good and harmless" is an example. Why is harmless tantalizing? Slow down. Make one thought follow another. That's better than piling them on top of each other.

Keep asking yourself: Do I need this adjective? Do I need to describe that? Is this moving the story forward? Or is it a distraction?

The way to learn to write — in any language — is to read. A lot. Every day. Dive in. Soak it up. Immerse yourself.

 

[alpacinou]

Aha! I was wondering who said you had to use them.

So good. That means you can let go of them. Or you can use them somewhere else.

That would be better than trying to squeeze too many ideas into sentences. Your "tantalizingly good and harmless" is an example. Why is harmless tantalizing? Slow down. Make one thought follow another. That's better than piling them on top of each other.

Keep asking yourself: Do I need this adjective? Do I need to describe that? Is this moving the story forward? Or is it a distraction?

The way to learn to write — in any language — is to read. A lot. Every day. Dive in. Soak it up. Immerse yourself.

Thanks for your advice. Very useful.

What do you think about this?

She was a poison pill, but one that tasted tantalizingly sweet.

 

[emsr2d2]

If you already know how she "tasted", then she's not "tantalisingly sweet". If you use "tantalising" it's because you want to say that you get the impression that something would have a certain characteristic.

 

[alpacinou]

If you already know how she "tasted", then she's not "tantalisingly sweet". If you use "tantalising" it's because you want to say that you get the impression that something would have a certain characteristic.

Aha. So you can't say something or someone is tantalizing if you have already tried them.

 

[emsr2d2]

Not really, no. You might say that a bowl of cherries looks tantalisingly sweet but once you've tried them, you know whether they are or not.

 

[alpacinou]

Not really, no. You might say that a bowl of cherries looks tantalisingly sweet but once you've tried them, you know whether they are or not.

What about this:

She was a poison pill, but one that tasted deceptively sweet.