Thank you for considering my request.

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Odessa Dawn

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In summary, thus, I hope that my huge responsibilities in the world, in general, and in my community, in particular, attract your attention to have a better chance to do a PhD in clinic psychology to get license (that is preferred to me) to be officially recognized by non-profit national and international organizations, and to succeed in concerning areas that matter the most to me. I believe that my education, skills, personal qualities, and great task will help meet the standards of your program and, therefore, I hope that this application will receive your favorable consideration. Thank you for considering my request.

Is this summary simple and clear and not to confuse the reader? Would you recommend that I delete the last line?
 

teechar

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Is this summary simple and clear and not to confuse the reader? Would you recommend that I delete the last line?

You wrote three sentences; the second and third are okay. Rewrite the first in a more direct and simple way.
 
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Odessa Dawn

Key Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2012
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Saudi Arabia
Current Location
Saudi Arabia
Thank you teechar.

***


I hope that my role in my community, and in the world attracts your attention to let me do a PhD in clinic psychology to get license (that is preferred to me) to be officially recognized, and to continue contributing to the safety and welfare of humanity. ... Thank you for considering my request.


Would you recommend that I delete the last line?


A side note: Please note that the applicant is volunteered with a non-profit organization that offers some help to refugees and orphans in the Middle East. Would you recommend that I use in the Middle East instead of in the world?
 

teechar

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Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
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English Teacher
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English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
I hope that my voluntary service in my community and in the broader Middle East will support my application for the PhD program in clinical psychology at your university. I aspire to become highly qualified in my field and to continue to contribute to the safety and welfare of people everywhere.
 
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