The Bear

Bassim

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Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences? I wrote these sentences just as exercise, trying to write them grammatically correct.

As David walked along the wooden path, he suddenly heard a noise behind him. He turned around and saw a large bear about thirty meters from him. He stopped, rose on his hind legs and sniffed the air. David walked on while sweat ran down his back and his legs buckled. He had heard a numerous stories about the encounters with bears and knew that fighting a bear would be meaningless. He would probably be killed with one swipe of a bear's paw. His eighty kilograms would make a delicious dinner to the hungry animal. David stopped and turned around at intervals, and every time the bear stopped and rose on his hind legs. The distance between them remained the same. When he saw a hunting hut, he ran into it and bolted the door. He watched as the bear approached the hut, his heart racing with fear. The bear stood in the window and peered into the semi-darkness of the hut. To David, it looked like a human being. His dark eyes stared at him with a child's curiosity, his deadly claws lent like fingers on the glass. His curiosity satisfied, he lumbered away, giving David an opportunity to recover. He searched in the drawers and cupboards for something to drink, and he couldn't believe his luck when he saw a bottle of unopened whisky. He poured it into the glass, and drank.

While the alcohol warmed his stomach, his courage returned. He was thinking that the story would sound interesting when he told it in the bridge club, where he played frequently together with other pensioners. He would embellish it with more details, make it more exciting and picture himself as a brave man who did not ran from the dangerous animal. The old ladies would listen to him attentively, exclaiming, "Gosh" and "My goodness", and later they would invite him to lunches and dinners, where he would repeat his story many times until something more interesting came to their little world. Until then he would certainly come up with something new, something that would mean more free lunches, dinners and delicious cakes and pastries.
THE END
 

teechar

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Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences? I wrote these sentences just as exercise, trying to write them grammatically correct.

As David walked along the wooden path [consider using "boardwalk"], he suddenly heard a noise behind him. He turned around and saw a large bear about thirty meters away. [STRIKE]from him. He[/STRIKE] The bear stopped, [STRIKE]rose[/STRIKE] stood on his hind legs and sniffed the air. David walked on while sweat ran down his back, and his legs almost buckled. He had heard numerous stories about [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] encounters with bears and knew that fighting a bear would be meaningless. He would probably be killed with one swipe of the bear's paw. His eighty kilograms would make a delicious dinner to the hungry animal. David stopped and turned around at intervals, and every time the bear stopped and [STRIKE]rose[/STRIKE] stood on his hind legs. The distance between them remained the same. When [STRIKE]he[/STRIKE] David saw a hunting hut, he ran into it and bolted the door. [STRIKE]He watched[/STRIKE] As the bear approached the hut, David watched, his heart racing with fear. The bear stood [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] outside the window and peered into the semi-darkness of the hut. To David, it looked like a human being. His dark eyes stared at him with a childlike curiosity, his deadly claws lent like fingers on the glass. His curiosity satisfied, he lumbered away, giving David an opportunity to regain his composure. [STRIKE]recover.[/STRIKE] He searched in the drawers and cupboards for something to drink, and he couldn't believe his luck when he saw an unopened bottle of [STRIKE]unopened[/STRIKE] whisky. He poured [STRIKE]it into the[/STRIKE] himself a glass, and drank.

[STRIKE]While[/STRIKE] As the alcohol warmed his stomach, his courage returned. He was thinking that the story would sound interesting when he told it [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at the bridge club, where he played frequently together with other pensioners. He would embellish it with more details, make it more exciting and [STRIKE]picture[/STRIKE] portray himself as a brave man who did not [STRIKE]ran[/STRIKE] run from the dangerous animal. The old ladies would listen to him attentively, exclaiming, "gosh" and "My goodness", and later they would invite him to lunches and dinners, where he would repeat his story many times until something more interesting came to their little world. Until then, he would certainly come up with something new, something that would mean more free lunches, dinners and delicious cakes and pastries.
THE END
I'm not sure what you mean by the text highlighted in blue. Also, consider using "get great mileage out of it" in your story.
 

Bassim

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Now I understand I made a mistake. Instead of the "wooden path", I should have written "As David walked along the path in the woods, he suddenly heard a noise..."

Could I rephrase my sentence you marked in blue like this:
When he had exhausted his tale about the bear, he would certainly come up with another one, which would mean more free lunches, dinners and delicious cakes and pastries.
 

teechar

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As David walked along [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a path [also consider "track" or "trail"] in the woods, he suddenly heard a noise..."

When he had exhausted his tale about the bear, he would certainly come up with another one, which would mean more free lunches, dinners and delicious cakes and pastries.
Yes, that's okay.
 
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