The dangers of plastic surgery

[Anna232]

This is the final passage of the previous assignment about the dangers of plastic surgery. Could you have a look at it please? And could you tell me about the structure of my piece? Does it support my ideas clearly? It should be organized well.

"Finally, while plastic surgery may have some benefits, the risks and negative effects are often greater. It is important to think about these issues and focus more on self-acceptance and mental health instead of chasing surgical perfection."

 

[Tarheel]

Finally, while plastic surgery may have some benefits, the risks and negative effects are often greater. It is important to think about these issues and focus more on self-acceptance and mental health instead of chasing surgical perfection.

Somebody has told you to use "finally" to start your last paragraph. However, I have read columns (the same as essays) by professional writers, and they never do that.

You seem to be saying that people shouldn't get plastic surgery -- that instead of that they should just accept the way they look

Your opinion is that plastic surgery does more harm than good.

Where did you see "chasing surgical perfection"?

 

[Anna232]

Somebody has told you to use "finally" to start your last paragraph. However, I have read columns (the same as essays) by professional writers, and they never do that.

You are right. I have seen lots of examples in the book. But I will follow your advice.

You seem to be saying that people shouldn't get plastic surgery -- that instead of that they should just accept the way they look

Your opinion is that plastic surgery does more harm than good.

Yes, that's right.

Where did you see "chasing surgical perfection"?

I didn't. I was wondering if a native speaker would use that.
Would it work if I rephrased my sentences? The underlined parts are new.

"To sum up, I would add that while plastic surgery may have some benefits, the risks and negative effects are often greater. It is important to think about these issues and focus more on self-acceptance and mental health rather than the pursue of perfection.

 

[emsr2d2]

rather than the pursue of perfection.

"Pursue" is a verb. That's not the word you need. Try again.

 

[Anna232]

"Pursue" is a verb. That's not the word you need. Try again.

Oh, I meant "pursuit".

 

[Tarheel]

@Anna232 Well, there are different kinds of plastic surgery. I think you're talking about what is called cosmetic surgery. I'm sure it's true that things don't always turn out the way you want them to, but that's true of everything.

The point is just to practice your writing skills anyhow.

 

[emsr2d2]

The medical term is "aesthetic surgery". That covers the kind of surgery you seem to be talking about (people simply wanting to change their appearance) and reconstructive surgery (for people disfigured since birth or due to an accident).
As Tarheel suggested, I'd use "cosmetic surgery" in your piece. However, the essay prompt used "plastic surgery" and that's somewhat misleading. Based on that prompt, you could have written your entire piece about people undergoing reconstructive surgery.

 

[Anna232]

"Pursue" is a verb. That's not the word you need. Try again.

I used "pursuit." Does it work now? "It is important to think about these issues and focus more on self-acceptance and mental health rather than the pursuit of perfection."

 

[5jj]

That's fine.