The data you entered has been sent

[EngLearner]

Suppose John goes to a website and decides to sign up. He clicks the "Sign up" button, and the website redirects him to a page where he has to enter certain information. After filling out the form, he clicks the "Submit" button. The data he's entered goes to the server for processing. He sees the following status message:

The data you entered has been sent to the server for processing. This may take a few minutes.

Then he receives the following response from the server:

The data you entered didn't pass the validation procedure. Please correct the mistakes as specified and then resubmit the form.

He corrects the mistakes, resubmits the form and receives the following response:

Unfortunately, you haven't passed the validation procedure. The password you've entered contains less characters than is minimally acceptable, and the name you've specified contains unacceptable characters. Please correct the mistakes and resubmit the form.

Please proofread what I've written.

 

[emsr2d2]

Suppose John goes to a website and decides to sign up. He clicks the "Sign up" button, and the website redirects him to a page where he has to enter certain information. After filling out the form, he clicks the "Submit" button. The data he's entered goes to the server for processing. He sees the following status message:

The data you entered has been sent to the server for processing. This may take a few minutes.

Then He receives the following response from the server:

The data you entered didn't pass the validation procedure process. Please correct the mistakes as specified and then resubmit the form.

He corrects the mistakes, resubmits the form and receives the following response:

Unfortunately, you haven't passed the validation procedure process. The password you've entered contains less fewer characters than is minimally acceptable, and the name you've specified chosen contains unacceptable characters. Please correct the mistakes and resubmit the form.

Please proofread what I've written.

See above for my (very) few corrections. As you can see, it's mostly grammatically correct. My problem with it is that it's far too wordy.

John goes to a website and clicks "Sign up". He chooses a username and password but sees the following message on screen a few minutes later:
"Signup failed. Please make amendments as shown and resubmit."
He makes the requisite changes and resubmits. He sees the following response:
"Signup failed. Username contains unacceptable characters and password is too short. Please try again."

Also, whatever website that is isn't going to get many new members. The instructions for the username and password should appear as soon as someone hits "Sign up". Usually, if either the username or password doesn't fit the criteria, you simply get two more blank boxes and it's clear you need to try again. Waiting "a few minutes" for a server to process your attempted signup is unacceptable to most people.