[General] What do you think of the paragraph?

[wang.cupid]

This is a part of my essay, what do you think and if possible, could you please find out possible grammatic errors? Thanks. I'm going to take an IELTS test this weekend.
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Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of the local communities contributes positively to these visitors and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them are getting worse and worse owing to the fact tourists do not perform as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this should be attributed to that visitors are not familiar with local culture and take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated.

 

[Atchan]

I'm going to take an IELTS test this weekend.

I hope others check your essay...

Good luck!

 

[billmcd]

Some suggestions.

Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] local communities contributes positively to these visitors (I assume you have previously identified "these visitors" in some way.) and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE]is getting worse and worse, owing to the fact that tourists do not perform as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this is attributed to the fact that visitors are not familiar with local culture. [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE]They take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated.

 

[tedtmc]

Some suggestions.

Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] local communities contributes positively to these visitors (I assume you have previously identified "these visitors" in some way.) and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE]is getting worse and worse, owing to the fact that tourists do not perform behave as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this is attributed to the fact that visitors are not familiar with local culture. [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE]They take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated reduced.

I suggest the two words to be changed (in blue).

not a teacher

 

[billmcd]

I suggest the two words to be changed (in blue).

not a teacher

Tedtmc: Nice alternatives.