this is formal ielts letter is it rite? and im confused abt is it 150 words or not?

[hunny]

U have purchased a camera from the duty free shop. There has been something wrong wd the camera. Write a letter to the shop & describe wat u felt when u found out abt the problem. Tell them wat u expect them to do.


Dear sir/madam,

One week before I bought a new Panasonic Digital Camera (model number MGH101) from the duty free shop. I found something strange problem in it on the time of using because it doesn’t work properly from the first day.

I am afraid to write this letter to you that I purchased this camera by my heart because I wanted to capture some beautiful memories of my life. Actually I had to take pictures of my sister’s wedding events but unfortunately it deceived me at the eleventh of hour due to this I didn’t take any single snap from it. Most of the time when I open its shutter then it doesn’t show the outside view and sometimes its flash doesn’t work properly, first I thought it might be possible battery may be down but after inserting new batteries, it wasn’t still working. It’s worthless for me and I didn’t take a single picture from that camera. My family and I both are very disappointed after seeing its result because we are not anticipating that much worst result from your shop.

I hope you will consider my complaint and I expect you to please exchange this camera to the new one. It would be very thankful to you; if you consider my words then I will bring that camera with me at your shop.



Yours sincerely,
Xyz

[sarat_106]

U have purchased a camera from the duty free shop. There has been something wrong wd the camera. Write a letter to the shop & describe wat u felt when u found out abt the problem. Tell them wat u expect them to do.

Dear sir/madam,

One week back (before) I bought a new Panasonic Digital Camera (model number MGH101) from your (the) duty free shop. As I started to use it, I found some (thing) strange sound (problem in) coming from it with symptoms of malfunctioning. (on the time of using because) As a matter of fact, it doesn’t work properly from the (first) day one.
With a heavy heart I am (afraid to) writing this letter to you as I considered that (I purchased) this camera would be my precious buy (heart) with which (because) I could (wanted to) capture some beautiful memories of my life. Actually I had to take pictures of important events at my sister’s wedding but unfortunately it deceived me at the eleventh of hour due to which (this) I couldn’t take a (ny) single snap with (from) it. Most of the time when I open its shutter, (then) it doesn’t show the outside view and sometimes its flash doesn’t work properly. At first I thought it might be due to the (possible) battery being (may be) down but after inserting new batteries, it is (wasn’t) still not working. It’s now worthless for me and I have not (didn’t) taken a single picture with (from) that camera. My family and I (both) are very disappointed after seeing its result and (because we are) facing (not anticipating that much) the worst experience of our life with a branded product bought (result) from your shop.

I hope you will consider my complaint with due seriousness it deserves and I expect you not to hesitate in (please) exchanging this camera for a (to the) new one. I (It) would be very thankful for a positive response after which (to you; if you consider my words then) I will bring that camera with me to (at) your shop.
Thanking you
Yours faithfully (sincerely),
Xyz

Delete words in brackets retaining the correcte words in red

The letter will look like, as under after deletion

Dear Sir/Madam

One week back I bought a new Panasonic Digital Camera (model number MGH101) from your duty free shop. As I started to use it, I found some strange sound coming from it with symptoms of malfunctioning. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t work properly from the day one.

With a heavy heart I am writing this letter to you as I considered that this camera would be my precious buy with which I could capture some beautiful memories of my life. Actually I had to take pictures of important events at my sister’s wedding but unfortunately it deceived me at the eleventh of hour due to which I couldn’t take a single snap with it. Most of the time when I open its shutter, it doesn’t show the outside view and sometimes its flash doesn’t work properly. At first I thought it might be due to the battery being down but after inserting new batteries, it is still not working. It’s now worthless for me and I have not taken a single picture with that camera. My family and I are very disappointed after seeing its result and facing the worst experience of our life with a branded product bought from your shop.

I hope you will consider my complaint with due seriousness it deserves and I expect you not to hesitate in exchanging this camera for a new one. I would be very thankful for a positive response after which I will bring that camera with me to your shop.

Thanking you,

Yours faithfully