Please check my IELTS writting a letter.

[cnczeroh]

Folks, please help me to improve my english writing skill

GT Task1
"You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an

employment agency."
-introduce yourself
-explain what sort of job you'd like
-say what experiences and skills you have

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in response to your advertisement on The News

Post of June 2nd about job offering. My name is Xxxx Yyyy and I am a
first-grade student from the University of New York majoring in Computer Science. I am 19 years old right now. I come from Japan and I have already been in New York for 1 year. Reading and listening music are my hobbies.
I am interested to apply a part-time job from your agency. I
always love computer-related jobs such as a computer technician, a
junior programmer, or a staff in computer store. These job could
improve my background study. I have one-year experiences in Computer
Club when i was in Senior High Scool.
I am enjoyed also work in in the library or music stores. I
will have much time in reading and listening music, in my off-time
of course.
If there is an available job for me, please contact me via
email, it is EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead, or my mobile number 0987654321. Thank
you for your kind attention.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Xxxx Yyyy

How about that? what score do you think about my letter. Please I need you feedback. You may send me an email. Very appreciated!

-zeroh