Please correct my letter!
Dear Mrs Stelios Ryder,
I am writing in response to the job which I saw advertised in the Respublika newspaper. I would apply for one of positions of trainee manager. Thus, I believe that I have all the necessary skills and qualifications for this post.
I have graduated Romerio University in Vilnius and received high grades in my Greek and Financial Course so I am a banking and finance specialist. For the last 3 years I have worked such a bank manager therefore I have had a lot of experience in financial range. This experience has given me a lot of knowledge of the European financial markets.
I am enthusiastic, committed and responsible person. I know how to use the computer and all necessary programs, for example Microsoft Office Excel. Else, I have good recommendations from my quondam boss and I would be glad if you would spend me further details of the job and promotions.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
Re: Please correct my letter!
Write shorter: 'job advertised in...'
in response to the job which I saw advertised in
1. graduated from
I have graduated Romerio University in Vilnius and received high grades in my Greek and Financial Course so I am a banking and finance specialist.
2. I think it would be better to specify your major and average grade and there is no need to say that you're a banking and finance specialist.
'worked as a bank manager'. I think instead of the rest part of the paragraph you should describe your duties and responsibilities.
I have worked such a bank manager
'Range' is rarely used. "Financial field" is more common.
I'm sorry, but it sound childishly. 'The' article is misused here. Describing your computer literacy you should specify all financial software you was dealt with. Every student should be at least good user of Word and Excel, so specifying only these is not enough.
I know how to use the computer
1. As I know, only learners start sentences with 'else', 'also' and 'and'. For natives it's possible only in speaking.
Else, I have good recommendations from my quondam boss
2. If I were you, I would write something like this: 'What is more, I have a good recommendation/reference letter from my previous employer'
Just 'Thank you'
Thank you for your consideration
Again, if I were you, I would write this way: 'I am available for an interview at any time convenient to you. I look forward to meeting you to discuss my application.'
I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
P.S. Most of employers prefer to read structured CVs and covering letters.
Last edited by Alex_D; 19-Jan-2010 at 19:09.
Re: Please correct my letter!
You are responding to the ad, not the job. (But didn't we discuss this in the other thread with an identical title?)
(I don't have any problem with Thank you for your consideration, but I agree with the rest of the advice from my colleague.)
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