Please Help- School Admission Letter?

So i am wishing to enrol my daughter at a private shool next year, but I am not very confident with writing letters, so I made a draft, and I am hoping that you guys can help me correct it.

Dear Mrs Jones

I am XXXX and I would like to apply for my daughter's admission to XXXX College in 2011.

My daughter's name is XXXX and she is currently studying in XXXX at XXXX Intermediate.

I have great respect for your school's fine reputation and think highly of the school's many facilities. I believe your school can provide a good environment in which she can study, and can effectively equip her for the challenges of her future.

XXXX is a girl with a lot of potential. She is a very attentive and conscientious student. She excels in Mathematics and Spelling. She enjoys all activities inside and outside school, including common academic lessons, clarinet lessons, piano lessons, going on outings, and many other activities. With our guidance and encouragement she has great academic potential and frequently exceeds our expectations. She is a very hard worker and often receives straight A's in her report card.

My husband and I would do all in our power to support our daughter. Though I know places in your school is very competitive and demanding, I still determine to apply for a place for XXXX as Winston Churchill saying “Life is a test and this world a place of trial."

Attached to this letter is the application form and the other required documents. Thank you for considering our application, and we look forward to your positive reply.

Yours Sincerely,

XXXX