Please someone edit my Business Letter. It's very important.

[ledatokyo]

Following letter is to ask investment and cooperation on the educational benchmarking project from company we work with. Please help to write direct, coherent and correct letter.

Dear X
As I mentioned earlier we are collecting information for introducing X’s English Language Learning method which based on deep experience with international standard, approach, curriculum, method, syllabuses with textbooks, class resources, learning environment, teacher training and retraining, informal education, distance learning to X education sector.
To do so we are doing following steps
· To compare X’s English language levels with Council of Europe, Cambridge and other international organizations’
· Based on above information to offer textbooks based on international common level, approach to all who are supposed to learn English including primary, secondary, upper secondary schools, colleges, universities, unofficial education, public sector workers etc
· These things are reflected X National English language program which are in accomplishment task. Also prime minister of X recently made agreement with European Council to introduce Common European standards in X. From that point we are making project to correspond X’s standard with government policy over English language learning and preparing to introduce our project to Ministry of Education which is main organization of government’s education sector.
Thus x’s sales in X will increase significantly and will get opportunity to succeed X education sector. On the other hand X will have pleasant situation to work stably on Central Asia’s market.
Nowadays Ministry of Education working to introduce Cambridge’s syllabus as an experiment. We have also great opportunity to work actively in that situation.
If you support our project and investing by send us experienced people, opening official office we are certain that this action will succeed.
We are sending information about number of Mongolian primary and secondary school students and survey of today’s English education in X and, official document of National English language program. We hope that you will work with us.
Best Regards
I will be glad for your help.

[Gillnetter]

Following letter is to ask investment and cooperation on the educational benchmarking project from company we work with. Please help to write direct, coherent and correct letter.

Dear X,
As I mentioned earlier, we are collecting information for introducing X’s English language learning methods which are based on their deep experience with international standards, approaches, curriculums, methods, syllabuses with textbooks, class resources, learning environments, teacher training and retraining, informal education, and distance learning, to the X education sector.

To do so we are doing implementing the following steps
· To compare X’s English language levels with the Council of Europe, Cambridge and other international organizations
· Based on the above information, to offer textbooks based on an international common level approach to all who are supposed to learn English, including primary, secondary, upper secondary schools, colleges, universities, unofficial education venues, public sector workers, etc.
· These things are reflected in X's National English language program which are in accomplishment task. Also the prime minister of X recently made entered into agreements with the European Council to introduce Common European standards in X. From that point, we are making beginning a project to correspond to X’s standard with government policy over English language learning and preparing to introduce our project to the Ministry of Education, which is the main organization of the government’s education sector.

Thus, x’s sales in X will increase significantly and will get an opportunity to succeed X education sector. On the other hand, X will have a pleasant situation to work stably on in the Central Asian market.

Nowadays The Ministry of Education is working to introduce Cambridge’s syllabus as an experiment. We have also also have a great opportunity to work actively in that situation.

If you support our project and by investing and by sending us experienced people and by opening an official office, we are certain that this action will succeed.

We are sending you information about the number of Mongolian primary and secondary school students and a survey of today’s English education in X and official documents of our national English language program. We hope that you will work with us.
Best Regards
I will be glad for your help.

gil