Please someone help me to correct this essay.

[harrylynn]

I am taking IELTS this week and this is my very first essay writing. I have been very busy working and no time to prepare for the test. Gezz, I'd be really appreciated if someone would help me check this essay and possibly point out mistakes and correct 'em or improve my version..Thanks all.

Question - The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

The graph shows the water usage in three different sectors for a period of one decade by using Km3 measurement, worldwide. The table describes the data about how much water is consumed in two countries (Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo).

According to given two figures,the highest usage of water can be seen in agriculture sector , and in the comparison of two countries, Brazil consume more water than Democratic Republic of Congo.

The water usage in agriculture sector started around 500 Km3 in 1900 and rose steadily till year 2000 where it reach the peak of 3,000 Km3. Industrial usage and domestic use has a similar figure where both sectors started at 100 Km3 and remained constant till the year of 1940. Afterwards, the water usage in industrial use went up steadily to 1,000 Km3 in 2000. At the same time, domestic use had a slight downward trend between 1940 to 1960 and it recovered after 1960 and increased to 250 Km3 in year 2000.

In the comparsion of two countries (Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo), it is obvious that Brazil consumed more water than Democratic Republic of Congo due to the reason of population and irrigated land used for agricultural purpose. The population in Brazil is 176 million and each person consume 359 m3 whereas in Democratic Republic of Congo, there are total populaion 5.2 million and each person only consume 8 m3 amount of water.

In conclusion, it can be seen that, those countries which have a higher population rate and large amount of irrigated land for agricultural purpose will consume more water than those which do not.

[Gillnetter]

I am taking IELTS this week and this is my very first essay writing. I have been very busy working and no time to prepare for the test. Gezz, I'd be really appreciated if someone would help me check this essay and possibly point out mistakes and correct 'em or improve my version..Thanks all.

Question - The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. (This isn't a question, it is a statment.)

The graph shows the water usage in three different sectors for a period of one decade by using Km3 measurement, worldwide. The table describes the data about how much water is consumed in two countries (Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo).

According to the given two figures,the highest usage of water can be seen in the agriculture sector, and in the comparison of two countries, Brazil consumes more water than the Democratic Republic of Congo.

The water usage in the agriculture sector started around 500 Km3 in 1900 and rose steadily till year 2000 where it reach the peak of 3,000 Km3. Industrial usage and domestic use has a similar figure where both sectors started at 100 Km3 and remained constant till the year of 1940. Afterwards, the water usage in industrial use went up steadily to 1,000 Km3 in 2000. At the same time, domestic use had a slight downward trend between 1940 to 1960 and it recovered after 1960 and increased to 250 Km3 in year 20??

In the comparsion of two countries (Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo), it is obvious that Brazil consumed more water than the Democratic Republic of Congo due to the reason because of population and irrigated land used for agricultural purposes. The population in Brazil is 176 million and each person consumed 359 m3, whereas in the Democratic Republic of Congo, there are is a total population of 5.2 million and each person only consumed only 8 m3 amount of water.

In conclusion, it can be seen that, those countries which have a higher population rate and large amount of irrigated land for agricultural purposes will consume more water than those which do not.

Gil

[harrylynn]

Thank you very much.