need help for correcting my motivation letter

[pchy]

I need some help for correcting my motivation letter, from both grammar and type. urgent, thank you so much!!!
(Is that too long for a motivation letter? If yes,which are the sentences should be cut?Thx again!!)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the Engineering Degree in Electricity which I am particularly interested in.
I am now a senior student major in Electrical Engineering , specialized in Power System. I will graduate with a B.E degree from XXX University in 2011. My undergraduate program should be described as rewarding and fruitful. With my serious attitude and hard work, I laid solid foundation in both courses and experiments which allows my further studies as a postgraduate. Besides, I am also an active student participating in many activities and events which made me able to handle things independently and successfully. As the class publicist I’ve strengthened my communication skills. My volunteer experience at the Olympic Games and the orphanage enriched my life and turned me into a responsible and reliable person.
I understand that in my future life, things seem not easy like studying or taking exams. Last summer, I took an internship in Electrical substation as coordinator. I found that the problems in real work are far more complicated. Hence, if I want to develop in Power System, I would like to upgrade myself greatly. I found that your project corresponds exactly to what I want to learn. Your institute is the best place to achieve my career objectives since France is not only famous for its technology in Science, but also for the education system. Moreover, I started learning French two years ago and I have acquired a good command of everyday French, with my continuous efforts I believe I can adapt to new life in France very quickly.
I hope to work in an international company in the field of electricity. Therefore I would like to work in France for 1-2 years and gain some working experience after graduation, after that I will go back and work in my homeland. I believe that by my hard-working, I will enrich my knowledge, enhance and sharpen my skills and finally accomplish my goal.
I appreciate your time and your consideration of my application. Should you have any questions, please contact me at XXX .
Yours faithfully,
XXX

[Gillnetter]

I need some help for correcting my motivation letter, from both grammar and type. urgent, thank you so much!!!
(Is that too long for a motivation letter? If yes,which are the sentences should be cut?Thx again!!)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the Engineering Degree in Electricity which I am particularly interested in.
I am now a senior student majoring in Electrical Engineering , specialized specializing in power systems. I will graduate with a B.E degree from XXX University in 2011. I would describe my undergraduate program should be described as rewarding and fruitful. With my serious attitude and hard work, I laid a solid foundation in both courses and experiments which allows my further studies as a postgraduate. Besides, I am also an active student participating in many activities and events which made me able to handle things independently and successfully. As the class publicist I’ve strengthened my communication skills. My volunteer experience at the Olympic Games and at an the orphanage enriched my life and turned me into a responsible and reliable person.
I understand that in my future life, things seem will not be as easy like as studying or taking exams. Last summer, I took an internship in at an electrical substation as a coordinator. I found that the problems in real work are far more complicated. Hence, if I want to develop in power systems, I would like to upgrade myself greatly. I found that your project corresponds exactly to what I want to learn. Your institute is the best place to achieve my career objectives since France is not only famous for its technology in science, but also for the educational system. Moreover, I started learning French two years ago and I have acquired a good command of everyday French. With my continuous efforts I believe I can adapt to a new life in France very quickly.
I hope to work in an international company in the field of electricity. Therefore, I would like to work in France for 1-2 years and gain some working experience after graduation, after that I will go back and work in my homeland. I believe that by my hard-working hard work, I will enrich my knowledge, enhance and sharpen my skills and finally accomplish my goal.
I appreciate your time and your consideration of my application. Should you have any questions, please contact me at XXX .
Yours faithfully,
XXX

Gil

[pchy]

Thanks a million!!! It helps me a lot!