Request Letter

[Ferdie11]

Please help me correct any errors in the letter below. Or please give me advice on how to do it better. Thanks so much.

Dear XYZ:

I am writing to formally request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a junior student. Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year because I really had to find a job to financially help myself and support my family. But now, I have an opportunity to pursue my studies again.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.

[Gillnetter]

Please help me correct any errors in the letter below. Or please give me advice on how to do it better. Thanks so much.

Dear XYZ:

I am writing to formally request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a junior student (I understand that you are saying you want to enroll as a junior - a third year student. The problem is that, "a junior student", sounds as though you want to be a lesser student, somewhat like I want to be a junior accountant. I suggest changing your wording to either "junior", or "student".). Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year. because I really had to find a job to financially help myself and support my family. But Now, I have an opportunity to pursue my studies again.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.

Gil

[Ferdie11]

Gil

How about this?

I am writing to request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a third-year student. Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year. I had to work to financially help myself and support my family. Now, I have an opportunity and have decided to pursue my studies again.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.

Thanks so much.

[Gillnetter]

How about this?

I am writing to request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a third-year student. Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year. I had to work to financially help myself and support my family. Now, I have an opportunity and have decided to pursue my studies again. This might sound better - Now, I have an opportunity to pursue my studies again and I have decided to do so.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.
Thanks so much.

Gil