Who would be so kind to correct me?

[Dyoa]

First of all, I am dutch. I have a paper due tomorrow regarding my motivation on picking up "Cambridge English",


This is what I came up with, please be so kind to correct me in any way.



Dear Mr. van den Berg,




I would like to pick up the Cambridge English class next year. Recently I had a talk with Mr. Nijsink regarding the lack of challenge I have gotten over the past few years. Ever since I've aspired to pick up Cambridge English, which will certainly challenge me more than the regular classes. That is what I am looking for, in a nutshell. I seek a challenge, one that I can sink my teeth into.


Although I don't yet know what to do after my graduation, I think that Cambridge English will certainly help me get accepted into a prominent college, and later on in my life it could even help me land a job. English is the most important language nowadays, and speaking it fluently is certainly a must in today's society.


Yours sincerely,

[Gillnetter]

First of all, I am Dutch. I have a paper due tomorrow regarding my motivation on picking up "Cambridge English",

"picking up" is too informal a term for this type of paper. One would use "pick up" when talking to friends or peers but not in a formal paper.
This is what I came up with, please be so kind to correct me in any way.



Dear Mr. van den Berg,


I would like to pick up (attend - enroll in - register for)the Cambridge English class next year. Recently I had a talk with Mr. Nijsink regarding the lack of challenges I have gotten faced over the past few years. Ever since, I've aspired to pick up attend the Cambridge English (course or class), which will certainly challenge me more than the regular classes. That is what I am looking for, in a nutshell. I seek a challenge, one that I can sink my teeth into. (That is what I am looking for, I seek a challenge, one that will challegne me. "in a nutshell and sink my teeth into" are also a bit to informal.)


Although I don't yet know what to I will do after my graduation, I think that Cambridge English will certainly help me get accepted into a prominent college, and later on in my life it could even help me land get a job. English is the most important language nowadays, and speaking it fluently is certainly a must in today's society.


Yours sincerely,

Gil

[Dyoa]

The letter is much better now, all thanks to you! They just have to accept me now, there is no reason not to. :)

Thanks again,

Dyoa