A gratitude letter

[grammarfreak]

I was confined in a hospital for 10 days with serious problem in my Gall Bladder and I gave a letter of gratitude to the doctor who assisted to me in spanish. As an english student interested in grammar I made a translation into english of that letter ; I want to know if there are some errors in the translation I did. This is the letter in spanish, and the english letter is next. Both letters are as follows :

25 de enero, 2012
Santo Domingo


Dr. Wenceslao Figuereo
Hospital General Regional Dr. Marcelino Vélez Santana

Su despacho.,

Distinguido doctor :

Sirva la presente para extenderle un cordial y grato saludo y a la vez expresarle los siguientes :

Agradezco sinceramente la demostración de aprecio y solaridad que tras mi padecimiento de salud, recibí de distinto personal de enfermería y, en especial al trato humano y fraternal que usted siempre me brindó.

Dejo también constancia de gratitud por las muestras de preocupación expresadas y por las atenciones del personal médico durante el reciente problema de salud que motivó mi internamiento; además pido disculpa y perdón por los inconvenientes que causé en algunas ocasiones.

Las más sentidas gracias.

Queda de usted muy atentamente,


Yulián Castillo Castillo



TRANSLATION :


January 25th., 2012
Santo Domingo


Dr. Wenceslao Figuereo
General Regional Hospital Dr. Marcelino Vélez Santana

His office.,

Dear doctor :

Hereby, I want to extend you a grateful and warm greeting, and at the same time to express the followings :

I sincerely thank the demonstration of esteem and solidarity that after my ailment I received from the various members of the nursery staff, and especially to the human and fraternal treatment that you always offered to me.

I also let my constancy of gratitude for the expressed shows of preoccupation and for the attentions of the medical staff during my recent health problem that caused my confinement; moreover I apologize and beg your pardon for the inconvenient I caused in several occasions.

With the deepest thanks.

Very sincerely yours,



Yulián Castillo Castillo


I would appreciate any assistant, All I want is to improve my english grammar.

Thanks

[5jj]

Why do you, a speaker of Spanish, want to send a letter in English to a Spanish-speaking doctor? Would not a letter in Spanish be more appropriate?

[BobK]

Why do you, a speaker of Spanish, want to send a letter in English to a Spanish-speaking doctor? Would not a letter in Spanish be more appropriate?

I think this may have been just a self-imposed exercise: the letter has already been sent (no?) in the original Spanish, and the translation is just an exercise. The 'I send' sounds to me like an error; I wonder if it really refers to the past?

Incidentally, the first line of the OP '...letter of gratitude...' is much better than 'gratitude letter' (as in the thread's title) - which is understandable but sounds very artificial.

b

[grammarfreak]

Thanks for your help, if you know spanish I would appreciate that you check both letters, but all I want is to make any correction you see on the english one.

As I wrote before I'm an english student interested in grammar matters and I want to improve my english knowledge,

Help me

[5jj]

The main problem with your English version is that it is a translation of the Spanish, which, apparently, uses far more flowery language than English. I tried to 'correct it, but the result was just not natural.

An English version is more likely to be something like:

Dear Dr Figuereo

I am writing to thank you and the staff of your hospital for the care and attention you gave me during my recent stay in your hospital.

During this worrying time, the very professional treatment and reassuring care from everyone who looked after me made my recovery far less truamatic than I had feared.

With very best wishes.

Yours sincerely,

X[/QUOTE]

[BobK]

Precisely!

b