Formal letter

Hello,

my name is Mathew and I come from The Czech Republic. I have the problem. Our teacher gave us homework - write formal letter. So I wrote it. Please can you correct it? Thank you very much



Dear directress,

I have found some information about your school on the internet. When I saw that all awards which you got, I was really excited. Of course, I read yesterday’s newspapers called Bolt and there was written: The survey showed that the best school in England is The World English School! When I read it, I decided to study on your school.

I have studied English for five years and I can speak English quite good. But I have never been in England. On our school there was lector of English so I can hear native speaker. I would like to study on your school because I want to speak English better and I want to improve my pronunciation. My uncle live in London so I would like to visit him when I will study on your school perhaps when you will initiate me I am going to live with him.

Please could you send me some more information about your school, acommodation and food? I look forvard to hearing from you as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,

Mathew

Dear directress,
- If you know she's a woman, you should know her name, so use it.
Paragraph 1- Start with the reason for writing- don't start with the background:
I am writing to enquire about studying at...
This paragraph should be short and to the point- no unecessary information.

Para 2- This should contain further information- what does she need to know? I'd say here, that you should say what information you would like.
Para 3- Here you can give your level and reason for studying

Para 4- Closing- what do you want her to do now?
Thanks her and look forward to hearing from here