Errors in this letter?

[Kenneth]

Hello fellow teachers,

I'm writing a block style letter with open punctuation for my assignment and this is what I've come out with:

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Kenneth Lee Tze Wui
The Moonlight Restaurant
81A, Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce
93150 Ampang Jaya

14 February 2006

Department of Environment
Ministry of National Resources and
Environment
Level 3-7, Block C4
Federal Government Administrative Centre
62662 Putrajaya

Dear Sir or Madam

UNSATISFACTORY CONSTRUCTION WORK

I am writing to you concerning a problem that has arisen from the construction work of a large hotel—The Hung Hung Inn—behind my The Moonlight Restaurant premise in Ampang Jaya.

For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002. The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.

For at least six weeks already I have had no choice but to put up with the continuous drilling, 24 hours a day and seven days a week. This has resulted in an extremely dusty environment and hygieneissue.

The road that leads to the back of my restaurant has been mud-spattered and potholed since—all due to the excavators and lorries that have to drive past every now and then. Apart from that, the beautification trees and other plants behind my restaurant have also been destructed. My customers have even complaint that my restaurant smells of dust now.

Hereby I sincerely appeal so that you would take actions against this problematic building of The Hung Hung Inn. Your help is very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully




Kenneth Lee
Manager

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Can you kindly check for me if there are any errors?

Your help is so much appreciated!

Thanks so much!


Regards,
Kenneth

[Tdol]

Format:
Your address should be on the right and don't put your name there- your name comes at the end, under your signature, so it's unnecessary.
my The Moonlight Restaurant premise- I'd say my restaurant, The Moonlihght Restaurant, (and delete 'premise)
For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002.- FYI sounds too aggressive. Do you have more than one restaurant? If not, delete the first part. Delete 'set up and'
The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.- shouldn't you have a coma in here?
hygieneissue- spacing and I'd use the plural
potholed since- either say since when or delete it
beautification trees- wrong word
destructed- destroyed
have even complaint- use the verb not the noun
Hereby I sincerely appeal so- word order and one word needs to be deleted
Thank you- seems to informal

[Kenneth]

Hello tdol,

Thanks so much for your guidance!

Originally Posted by tdol

Format:
my The Moonlight Restaurant premise- I'd say my restaurant, The Moonlihght Restaurant, (and delete 'premise)
For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002.- FYI sounds too aggressive. Do you have more than one restaurant? If not, delete the first part. Delete 'set up and'

Concerning the letter, yes it has more than one restaurants, so should I delete 'premise'?

Originally Posted by tdol

The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.- shouldn't you have a coma in here?

I don't really understand what you meant. Did you mean it's supposed to be like this:

The business has been doing well for the past few years, but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.

Originally Posted by tdol

hygieneissue- spacing and I'd use the plural

hygiene issues.

Originally Posted by tdol

beautification trees- wrong word

I can't think of a replacement for the words...

Originally Posted by tdol

Hereby I sincerely appeal so- word order and one word needs to be deleted

Hereby I appeal so...

[Tdol]

I'd say my Ampang Jaya branch
Decorative??
I hereby appeal