Business Letter - Shipping and Inspections

[Zoe2008]

Would you please forward the email to me for you advised the factory for the sequence serial number on last week? Please kindly included / copy me in your in email if this is relevant to shipping, inspection (i.e. shipping mark, schedule, golden sample, factory audit & cargo status etc) Thank you

Please note that our customer is required to perform the evaluation from mass production for PO xxx. Please kindly advise us your mass production starting date for our arrangement. Please follow the sequence serial numbers from Elsa’s instruction.

[colloquium]

"This is with regard to last week's email in which you advised the factory of the sequence serial number, could you please forward this email to me? Please kindly include/copy me in on your email if it is relevant to shipping, inspection (i.e. shipping mark, schedule, golden sample, factory audit & cargo status etc). Thank you.

Please note that our customer is required to perform the evaluation for the mass production of PO xxx. Please kindly advise us of your mass production start date with respect to our arrangement. Please follow the sequence serial numbers from Elsa’s instruction."



This doesn't make much sense as in the first sentence you've asked for the email to be forwarded to you, but then in the second sentence you've stated that you only want the email on the condition that it is relevant to shipping/inspection/etc, etc.

Nonetheless, I've tried to make it clearer.

I'm not a teacher.

[RonBee]

The first sentence in a letter (especially a business letter) should make clear what the letter is about. (See Colloquium's post.) Although with emails the subject line can go some ways toward explaining things it is still a good idea to make sure the reader knows what you are talking about. Perhaps:

This is with regard to last week's email in which you advised the factory of the sequence serial number. Could you please forward that email to me? Please forward to me all emails that have to do with shipping or inspections (i.e. shipping mark, schedule, golden sample, factory audit & cargo status etc).

Please note that our customer is required to perform the evaluation of the production of PO xxx. Please kindly advise us of your production start date as per our arrangement. Please follow the sequence serial numbers according to Elsa’s instructions.

What's a golden sample?

[Zoe2008]

Hi teacher RonBee,

Can I make the revision in the first sentence, like this :

Could you please forward me the last week's email in which you advised the factory of the sequence serial number? (Is this correct?)

this is a glossary for golden sample, it is = approval sample

Regards
Zoe

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by Zoe2008

Hi teacher RonBee,

Can I make the revision in the first sentence, like this :

Could you please forward me the last week's email in which you advised the factory of the sequence serial number? (Is this correct?)

this is a glossary for golden sample, it is = approval sample

Regards
Zoe

That looks good.