Please, can anyone correct my letter?

[Pizpireta]

Hi! I`m taking my writing English exam next week and I would be very grateful if anyone could correct this letter. Any mistakes or imporvements (stile, expressions), please, let me know. It is suposed to be for a high level English examn.

Thank you very much!

Calderería Street, 17

Pamplona

4th September 2008

The Editor
Local Newspaper
Information Street


Dear Sir or Madam,

In reference to the article published last Sunday about smoking en Irish pubs and hotels, I would like to express my point of view.

First of all, I believe people now are much more conscious about smoking and its consequences. In many ways we are taking more care about health and smoking is an important issue. That is why a lot of people are trying to give up smoking or have already managed to do it. Consequently, many people welcomed that initiative. “I do not want to breathe other’s smoke”- they say.
Up to here, everything is all right, but let’s take a look to the other side of the problem. If you are a smoker and you are with your friends at a pub, if you want to light a cigarette you have to go outside the pub, smoke it and go back into the pub. That could exasperate anyone, and even more during the winter. Even being a non-smoker myself I can understand smokers’ frustration.
To be honest, I do not think somebody is going to win because the statistics say there is a draw.
I think society have to adapt itself to people’s real needs and to fit out separate places or rooms for smokers and non smokers. Then, when you go into a pub you can decide where you want to stay and who with.
This solution, in my opinion, would help hotel and catering trade to keep their customers happy and satisfied. The only drawback I can think of is the money investment they shall do in their infrastructures.
In conclusion, this is an everyday conflict that should be overcome with patience and tolerance by everyone, no matter if you smoke or not.

Thank you very much.

Yours faithfully,

Josune

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by Pizpireta

Hi! I`m taking my writing English exam next week and I would be very grateful if anyone could correct this letter. Any mistakes or imporvements (stile, expressions), please, let me know. It is suposed to be for a high level English examn.

Thank you very much!

Calderería Street, 17
Pamplona
4th September 2008

The Editor
Local Newspaper
Information Street


Dear Sir or Madam, Generally, when writing to a newspaper Editor, Sir is used on its own, unless it is known that the Editor is a woman.

In With reference to the article published last Sunday about smoking en Irish pubs and hotels, I would like to express my point of view.

First of all, I believe people now are much more conscious about smoking and its consequences. In many ways we are taking more care about health and smoking is an important issue. That is why a lot of people are trying to give up smoking or have already managed to do it. Consequently, many people welcomed that initiative. “I do not want to breathe other’s others' smoke,” they say.
Up to here, everything is all right, but let’s take a look to the other side of the problem [if using an idiom, say "other side of the coin"]. If you are a smoker and you areomit with your friends at a pub, and if you want to light a cigarette, you have to go outside the pub, smoke it and go back into the pub. That could exasperate anyone, and even more during the winter. Even being a non-smoker myself omit I can understand smokers’ frustration.
To be honest, I do not think somebody anyone/anybody is going to win because the statistics say there is a draw.
I think society have has to adapt itself to people’s real needs and to fit out[Better to make two sentences. "needs. Pubs and hotels should be able to have..." separate places or rooms for smokers and non-smokers. Then, when you go into a pub you can decide where you want to stay be and who with. with whom.
This solution, in my opinion, would help the hotel and catering trade to keep their customers happy and satisfied. The only drawback I can think of is the money investment they shall do in their infrastructures. required, which may be heavy.
In conclusion, this is an everyday conflict that should be overcome with patience and tolerance by everyone, no matter if you smoke or not.

Thank you very much.

Yours faithfully,

Josune

..

[Pizpireta]

Thank you very much, Anglika. I need my English to sound more natural!!

:) Thanks again!