Appeal to committee to continue Fin. Aid

[deluca2b]

Could I get a critique on this?-any suggestions welcome!

September 13, 2008

My name
College Sophomore
My Address
My town, state

Academic Status Committee
Name of College

Dear Academic Status Committee Chair and Board Members:
Thank you for taking the time to review my financial aid issue. I appreciate you considering reinstating my financial aid opportunities for the upcoming spring semester of 2009.
I am currently enrolled in my sixth semester at ***** since reenrolling in the spring of 2006. That spring, I entered the Chemical Technology program, with Forensic Technician as my specialty. After taking a course called Success in Science (CHT 170), where I explored what it means to be a good, well-rounded scientist, I decided to expand my goals to include a degree in the Criminal Justice program. I feel a strong science background would greatly enhance my ultimate goal of becoming a criminalist, as well as opening up job opportunities in the laboratory setting on many fronts. After completing these two degrees, I plan to enroll in ***** State University’s Bachelor of Science Criminology program, and complete that degree online.
While my addition of the second program of study was wholly on my own accord, I spoke to several advisors over the course of my five completed semesters (to enroll in classes for both degrees)and it was never mentioned that I may be in danger of losing any financial aid if I continued with my current plan of study. When I spoke to Joyce?????in the Financial Aid Office this week, she informed me that a letter concerning this issue was sent out in April of 2008. Unfortunately, I never received this document. If I had received this letter, I certainly would have issued this appeal in a timelier manner. In addition, if I had known that working on two degrees at a time would cause such a problem with financial aid eligibility, I unquestionably would have pursued them independently.
As it stands, I have finished 29 out of 65 credits towards the Chemical Technology degree, and 34 out of 65 credits towards the Criminal Justice degree. I feel that I have been able to stay on track towards my educational goals for the most part. Only one semester resulted in a GPA under 2.8. That semester I contracted mono and was completely wiped out physically. I greatly enjoy my coursework and look forward to every semester eagerly.
Over the past year and a half, I have secured a cosigner and some private funding that enabled me to quit working fulltime and concentrate on my studies and my family life (I have two children). That has been a great stress relief for our whole family. Unfortunately, the private financing I had secured for this fall semester fell through due to the credit crisis. I was notified by email on September 5th of the situation, which is what brought me into see Joyce at the Financial Aid Office in the first place. Her suggestions, together with this appeal, included applying for a personal loan for this fall tuition. The ********Grant that I was eligible for this semester obviously is now void because of the dual-study program I was following. I had intended to use the grant to pay my tuition. For the time being, I am currently enrolled in Intro. to Forensics, Art Appreciation, Sociology 252 (Social Problems), and Criminology 220. I have managed to pay for my textbooks and put $50 on my tuition bill.
I am currently searching for a personal loan to cover expenses and tuition for this fall, in hopes that my course of study will not be interrupted. So far, I have had little success and my partner is looking into taking out a personal loan to help me stay in school. I am urgently pleading to you, the Academic Status Committee, that my appeal will be accepted and I can continue to benefit from financial aid programs next spring.
Recently (September 10), I received a letter from the Vice President of Administration, William Morris, informing me that 1400 people were accidently sent my name, social security number, and address by mistake. Since then I have placed a fraud alert on my account at the three main credit bureaus. Earlier this year, my partner and I were victims of identity fraud, which froze our checking account for nearly five months, so I am aware of the seriousness of this error. I also am aware of the procedure to protect myself-which I followed-unfortunately, the letter was dated August 28 and I have no idea when the instance actually occurred.
Undoubtedly, mistakes happen in every system, in every forum. I feel that not properly declaring my second course of study was an appalling oversight on my part. I sincerely appreciate any consideration you could lend me in reinstating my eligibility for financial aid so I can continue my educational goals. As the attached documents declare, the advisor I met with suggested I switch to Criminal Justice as my major since I have less credits needed to achieve that goal. Additionally, I am still interested in pursuing the Chemical Technology degree after I have fulfilled the CJ requirements.
Again, thank you for your deliberation in this manner and I will be eagerly awaiting your decision.

Sincerely,
My name

[deluca2b]

Won't someone give me their opinion, please? I need to turn this in soon!

[Anglika]

Could I get a critique on this?-any suggestions welcome!

September 13, 2008

My name
College Sophomore
My Address
My town, state

Academic Status Committee
Name of College

Dear Academic Status Committee Chair and Board Members,

Thank you for taking the time to review my financial aid issue. I appreciate you considering reinstating my financial aid opportunities for the upcoming spring semester of 2009.

I am currently enrolled in my sixth semester at ***** since re-enrolling in the spring of 2006. That spring, I entered the Chemical Technology program, with Forensic Technician as my specialty. After taking a course called Success in Science (CHT 170), where I explored what it means to be a good, well-rounded scientist, I decided to expand my goals to include a degree in the Criminal Justice program. I feel a strong science background would greatly enhance my ultimate goal of becoming a criminalist, as well as opening up job opportunities in the laboratory setting on many fronts. After completing these two degrees, I plan to enroll in ***** State University’s Bachelor of Science Criminology program, and complete that degree online.

While my addition of the second program of study was wholly on my own accord, I spoke to several advisors over the course of my five completed semesters (to enroll in classes for both degrees)and it was never mentioned that I may might be in danger of losing any financial aid if I continued with my current plan of study. When I spoke to Joyce?????in the Financial Aid Office this week, she informed me that a letter concerning this issue was sent out to me in April of 2008. Unfortunately, I never received it. If I had received this letter, I certainly would have issued this appeal in a timelier mannermade my appeal earlier/have approached you earlier. In addition, if I had known that working on two degrees at a time would cause such a problem with financial aid eligibility, I unquestionably would have pursued them independently. I would have reconsidered my plans.

As it stands, I have finished 29 out of 65 credits towards the Chemical Technology degree, and 34 out of 65 credits towards the Criminal Justice degree. I feel that I have been able to stay on track towards my educational goals for the most part. Only one semester resulted in a GPA under 2.8. I greatly enjoy my coursework and look forward to every semester eagerly. That semester I contracted mono [I would put the full medical term] and was completely wiped out physically.

Over the past year and a half, I have secured a co-signer and some private funding that enabled me to quit working full time and concentrate on my studies and my family life (I have two children). That has been a great stress relief for our whole family. Unfortunately, the private financing I had secured for this fall semester fell through due to the credit crisis. I was notified by email on September 5th of the situation, which is what brought me into see Joyce at the Financial Aid Office in the first place. Her suggestions, together with this appeal, included applying for a personal loan for this fall tuition.

The ********Grant that I was eligible for this semester obviously is now void because of the dual-study program I was following. I had intended to use the grant to pay my tuition. For the time being, I am currently enrolled in Intro. to Forensics, Art Appreciation, Sociology 252 (Social Problems), and Criminology 220. I have managed to pay for my textbooks and put $50 on my tuition bill.

I am currently searching for seeking a personal loan to cover expenses and tuition for this fall, in hopes the hope that my course of study will not be interrupted. So far, I have had little success and my partner is looking into taking out a personal loan to help me stay in school. I am urgently pleading to you, the Academic Status Committee, that my appeal will be accepted and I can continue to benefit from financial aid programs next spring.

I would also like to bring to your attention that recently (September 10), I received a letter from the Vice President of Administration, William Morris, informing me that 1400 people were accidently [omit - you have "by mistake" at the end, and do not need both] sent my name, social security number, and address by mistake. Since then I have placed a fraud alert on my account at the three main credit bureaus. Earlier this year, my partner and I were victims of identity fraud, which froze our checking account for nearly five months, so I am aware of the seriousness of this error. I am also aware of the procedure to protect myself - which I followed. Unfortunately, the letter was dated August 28 and I have no idea when the instance incident actually occurred.

Undoubtedly, mistakes happen in every system, in every forum. I feel that not properly declaring my second course of study was an appalling oversight on my part. I sincerely appreciate any consideration you could lend show me in reinstating my eligibility for financial aid so I can continue my educational goals. As the attached documents declare, the advisor I met with consulted suggested I switch to Criminal Justice as my major since I have less fewer credits needed to achieve that goal. Additionally, I am still interested in pursuing the Chemical Technology degree after I have fulfilled the CJ requirements.

Again, thank you for your deliberation in this manner and I will be eagerly awaiting your decision.

Sincerely,
My name

Hope this helps - you may want to leave some of your sentences but these are my suggestions for smoothing the text.