could you please review my motivation letter the dead line is in tomorow... Thank you

Hello,

I am Israeli and right now studying law in Paris.

I would like to apply to an english program and i need a good motivation letter, could you pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tell me how can i improve it??

thank you!!:-)

Dear Madam LEXXX,


I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the “rules and civilization of the common law” program at the University of XXXXX.

Originally from France, I followed my scholarship in Israel and graduated in 2003.
In 2004 I was incorporated for an obligatory service of two years in the Israeli defense force. There I was a museum guide in the armored corps museum next to Jerusalem.
After my military service I accomplished a linguistic journey in Scotland, and a cultural journey in eastern Asia (Laos, Cambodia and Thailand)
During this period I had the chance to learn allot about myself. These multiple and enriching experiences helped me to develop many different skills which allows me today to be certain about my professional orientation as an art auctioneer, and my choice of career has been confirmed by wide reading of careers literature on the profession.

The auctioneer’s profession combines art and law. A semblance of paradox between law (intellectual rigueur and justice) and art (creative freedom) created in me a true passion. I believe that this passion will be the engine of my career.
The art market proposes interesting international perspectives. This is why I was very enthusiast when I learned about the XXXX Common law program. Indeed, this two years program offers a good introduction to the common law rules which has a great importance notably to prepare the Erasmus apply. I really want to spend one year abroad. I perfectly know that this opportunity constitutes an advantage on my resume, and that will enable me to integrate the professional life more easily.
Thank you for considering my application

Aurélie

Comments

Re:

In 2004 I was incorporated for an obligatory service of two years in the Israeli defense force.

In AmE we would say: I was drafted.

During this period I had the chance to learn a lot about myself.

These multiple and enriching experiences helped me to develop many different skills which allow me today to be certain about my professional orientation as an art auctioneer, and my choice of career has been confirmed by wide reading of career literature on the profession.

The art market presents interesting international perspectives. This is why I was very enthusiastic when I learned about the XXXX Common law program. Indeed, this two-year program offers a good introduction to the common law rules which have great importance,....

The Erasmus reply?

I know perfectly well that ....

:-)

Thank you!!!:-)