Could you correct my letter?

[kid101]

Please help me correct my letter, sometimes i confuse about the grammar ( plural, "a" and "the"



101 Tran Quang Dieu St
District 3
Ho chi Minh City
Dear Editor
I would like to respond to the recent article by Hong Anh (16/10/2008) about plenty of young people who addict playing online games in Vietnam. I am writing this letter because I am a gamer. I agree that addict playing online games is a big problem
Firstly, many young people really like playing online games because they think that is the best way to relax and built relationship. For example, there are many internet café where young people easy to get in and playing online games also chatting. Furthermore they give up to study and cannot recognize between the real and the virtual worlds. Secondly, addict playing online games is really harmful. In fact, according to the article “they leave home for months to play games. Some even have even been hospitals due to exhaustion”. Moreover, some young people might kill themselves, if they cannot rid their mine of the virtual worlds. Finally, almost gamers believe they could earn a lot of money, if they sold valuable items for online gaming. They are always looking forward to reach the highest level in games and they do not care about anything.
I strongly believe that addict playing online games is a big problem in Vietnam. If there were better rules of the games as soon as possible, young people would follow that rules. In addition, the Government should decrease the developing of Vietnam’s games industry
Yours faithfully

[jlinger]

Originally Posted by kid101

Please help me correct my letter, sometimes i confuse about the grammar ( plural, "a" and "the"



101 Tran Quang Dieu St
District 3
Ho Chi Minh City
[space]
Dear Editor,

Iwould like to respond to the recent article by Hong Ahn (16/10/2008) about [delete: plenty of] young people who have become addicted to playing online games in Vietnam. I am writing this letter because I am a gamer, myself. I agree that [delete:addict playing] online games may be a big problem.

Firstly, many young people really like playing online games because they think that is the best way to relax and build relationships. For example, there are many Internet cafés where young people find easy access to playing online games and chatting. Unfortunately they sacrifice their studies and cannot recognize between the real and the virtual worlds.

[paragraph]

Secondly, this addiction to online games is really harmful. In fact, according to Hong's article, “they leave home for months to play games. Some even have even been hospitals due to exhaustion.” Moreover, some young people might kill themselves, if they cannot clear their mind of the virtual worlds they live in.

[paragraph]

Finally,most gamers believe they could earn a lot of money, if they sold valuable items for online gaming. They are always trying to reach the highest level in games and they do not care about anything else.

I strongly believe that addiction to online games is a big problem in Vietnam. If there were more restrictive regulations regarding these games [delete: as soon as possible], young people would follow those rules. In addition, the Government should stop developing [delete: of ] Vietnam’s games industry

Yours truly,

I don't know whether Vietnam has adopted the British or the American spelling and punctuation system. My corrections were American/Canadian, where, for example, commas and periods ALWAYS come inside the quotation marks. In Britain, they seem to leave them outside the "inverted commas," as they are called there. I've also changed the "faithfully" ending to "truly" as that is American standard. You may, of course revert to your original in both cases if British style prevails.

[sarat_106]

Jlinger has already done a wonderful job. Since I have also made an attempt to correct the aletter, you can have a look at it:
101 Tran Quang Dieu St
District 3
Ho chi Minh City
Dear Editor
I would like to respond to the recent article by Hong Anh (16/10/2008) about large number (plenty) of young people getting (who) addicted to playing online games in Vietnam. I am writing this letter because I am a gamer. I agree that addiction to playing online games is a big problem
Firstly, many young people really like playing online games because they think that is the best way to relax and build relationship. For example, there are many internet cafés where young people can get in easily and glued to playing online games as well as (also) chatting. Furthermore they give up/neglect (to) study and cannot distinguish/recognize between the real and the virtual worlds. Secondly, addiction to playing online games is really harmful. In fact, according to the article “they forget about (leave) home for months together to play games. Some (even) have even been hospitalised due to exhaustion”. Moreover, some young people resort (might) to kill themselves, if they cannot get rid of their self (mine ) in the virtual worlds of their own. Finally, almost all gamers believe that they could earn a lot of money, by selling (if they sold) valuable items and investing the amount in (for) online gaming. They (are) always look (ing) forward to reach the highest level in games and (they) do not care about anything.
I strongly believe that addiction to playing online games is a big problem in Vietnam. If (there were better) the rules of the games can be changed as soon as possible to restrict young people from plying the game it would be better (follow that rules). In addition, the Government should discourage (decrease) the developing of Vietnam’s games industry
Yours faithfully

[kid101]

Thank all, that is the first time i write a English letter, i try to improve my writing skill ( my writing skill is not as good as Speaking, listening and reading)..Almost Vietnamese study Australia English style