[Grammar] is there anyone who can review my cover letter?

[gabì6]

Hi everibody!
This is the first time I write in this forum so I don' t know if I'm using it properly and please, forgive my mistakes!
I'm applying for a Master in an English College of Arts, I'd like to have my cover letter checked before I'll send it.
Thank you very much in advance

Dear Sir/Madame,
I'm applying to XXX because I want to learn a “mestiere” : the job of designer. Please, forgive me the use of the italian term, but in my opinion it conveys exactly what it means to be designer : knowledge and know-how. (better: to know and to do ?) This is the reason that lead me to apply for the Design Product course although my education in Interior Design: during my study experiences I think I have achieved a good level of theorical knowledge, but now it's time to refine my know-how and my practical skills. This feeling(is it right?) has been strenghten when I visited the XXX in the open day in December: I was astonished seeing how high was the quality of the projects on shows and how was structured the school itself. I found a very stimulating environment, and I spent some time in talking with the students which gave me a positive feedback. I consider this school as an ideal link between my education and my future job, because, in my opinion, here I can develop further my skills and thoughts and, moreover find my way to design. Studying in such a prestigious and international institution as XXX , would represent a great chance for me; I left home at the age of 18 to move to Milan with the aim of try and improve myself, now again it is this desire of improvement that guides me to enter in this important institution. Moreover studying and living in a such great city like London could be a great opportunity to deepen my personal interests and my overall personal experience.
My training at XXX would be precious in the future, in case I decide to run my own studio and furthermore if I oper it in my home place, the southern of Italy, because I would certainly be an active player in its development.
For all these reasons I apply for the XXX.
I would like to thank you for your consideration.

[English-coach]

You are using the forum perfectly. That is what the forum is here for...and this is why I am here...to help you. :) I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. :) I made quite a few changes...for tone, voice, grammar and a bit of word choice. I hope that my changes help you. Best of luck!

Diana
LEARN ENGLISH BY USING IT: ANSWERS & MOTIVATION FOR ANY ENGLISH LEARNER


Dear Sir/Madame,
I'm applying to XXX because I want to learn the are of being a “mestiere” aka designer. Please, forgive me the use of the italian term, but in my opinion it conveys exactly what it means to be designer : knowledge and know-how. (better: to know and to do ?) [I wouldn't appologize for anything in your cover letter...it makse it sound negatve.] This is the reason that what lead me to apply for the Design Product course although in sipite of my education in Interior Design. Throughout my studies during my study experiences I think I have achieved a strong level of theorical knowledge, and now it's time to I would like to refine my understanding and my practical skills. This feeling(is it right?) desire has been strenghten This desire strengthened during a visit to the XXX during the open house in December: I was astonished seeing how high the quality of the projects on show was and how structured the school itself was as well. I found the environment simulating, and I spent time speaking with students who spoke highly of the school. I consider this school as the ideal link between my education and my future job, because, I will be able to futher develop my skills, thoughts and, moreover my way to design. Studying in such a prestigious and international institution as XXX , would represent a great chance for me; I left home at the age of 18 to move to Milan in search of a better life, now this desire has returned and has drawn me to this institution. Studying and living in a such great city as London could be a great opportunity to deepen my cultural interests and my overall personal understands of other cultures.
I would represent XXX in the future proudly, when I hope open my own studio from my home town in southern of Italy.

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration.