Could you please correct this essay.It is about

[leyli javid]

People attend school for many different reasons. Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I think that people attend in school in order to expand their knowledge, enhance interpersonal relationships, and have a better future.
First of all, there are lots of subjects which are taught by teachers in schools like Math, Geography and physics. These subjects are really useful for daily needs of people. For instance, if someone do not know how to multiple or subtract numbers, he/ she will face a lots of problem; if he/she wants to open an account or deposit a money in banks, or want to buy something from shopping centers. There are lots of other subjects which are essential and help people to expand their knowledge.
Second, when people attend in school from age 7, they will learn how to communicate with other people, and find lots of friend. I think that being in a school could help them to be social and extent their relationships. For example when they attend in a group activity or they do sport in a team, they learn to be patient, to respect their friends’ ideas and to help others. I think that attending in school is a good opportunity for people to improve good adjectives and their relationships with others.
Finally, nowadays educated people have more opportunity to work in companies than non educated people. Most of the companies seek for graduate people or even doctorate for their company, who are experienced enough and graduated from good universities. I think that attending in a school can be a motivator for people to continue their education and find a good job which provide them a better future.
All in All, as technology is developing day by day, attending in school and increasing knowledge is very important. Most of parents are worried about their children and want them to study. Even they register their children in extra classes such as language institutes to learn other language. So, we see that education is one of the most important parts in human life.

[thod00]

I have never like the use of he/she. If I dont know the gender I could switch to they or one.

"he/ she will face a lot of problem"
"they will face a lot of problems"
"one will face a lot of problems"

The alternative is to simply use the masculine. Use of he/she just seems too insistent on being politically correct. Its normal English usage, "All men are created equal" doesn't only refer to males. You see it in other languages too, for example French will use 'illes' to refer to mixed or unknown groups.

[leyli javid]

I am preparing for TOEFL, I would like to know that if this writing's instructure is correct or not.
In addition if I want to use they instead of he/she, then in former sentence I could not use someone, could I?