please advice me about this letter Thanks

[salza]

Topic: A letter of complain about poor services in hospital in an emergency condition.(Ielts)


Dear Sir or Madam ,

I write this letter to complaining about poor services in emergency section of your hospital.

As,my daughter,9 years old,eventually sensed a sever pain in her stomach yesterday, March, 24 ,2009 .After I contacted to emergency health center ,under their instruction ,brought her to hospital at 10:30 a.m. ,and been accepted in emergency section .But , surprisingly in spite of continuous appeals my daughter held without any concern for about 4 hours.

During this miserable period which was full of fear and pain , most of your stuff ignored our case .Finally one of doctors through his way had a visit , and realized that she needs urgent treatment .Then all steps were taken .

As,you certainly know that emergency section is one of the most important parts of any hospital.For preventing some later events , I ask you to perform an inquiry in this case to finding out reasons and responsible.

I look forward to hearing from you

Yours Faithfully
Jack Wellsh

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by salza

Topic: A letter of complain about poor services in hospital in an emergency condition.(Ielts)


Dear Sir or Madam ,

I write this letter to complaining about poor services in emergency section of your hospital.

My daughter, 9 years old, developed a sever pain in her stomach yesterday, March 24 ,2009. After I contacted the emergency health center, and following their instructions, I took her to hospital at 10:30 a.m. where she was admitted to the A&E Department. However, despite continuous appeals, my daughter received no attention for about 4 hours.

During this miserable period which was full of fear and pain, most of your staff ignored our case. Finally a passing doctor saw her and realized that she needed urgent treatment. By this time she was distressed beyond words and I do not like to think what might have happened without this doctor's quick reaction.

As you certainly know, the emergency section is one of the most important parts of any hospital. To prevent a similar occurrence, I ask you to perform an inquiry in this case to establish what went wrong and who is responsible. I look forward to hearing from you

Yours sincerely
Jack Wellsh

1: Establish who is in charge of complaints, and use their title and/or name:
#
Dr J. Smith,
Manager, A&E Department

Dear Dr Smith,

2: ALWAYS one space following punctuation, not preceding it.