Help me correcting my sister's cover letter

[gogo52]

Hi, well my sister asked me if I could correct her cover letter.
I tried but there are things that doesn't please me.
I thought someone could help me...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Here is her cover letter :

Perle ALLIGAND

129 rue de Rouillon 2219 Bd Edouard Montpetit

72000 Le Mans (France) H3T1J3 Montréal (Canada)

+33 243438735 / +33 661192209

[IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Xavier/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.gif[/IMG]

April 2009,
Mr...
( profession)
(Adress)


DearSir…

Presently studying economic, commercial and management in HEC Montreal in Canada, I would like to complete my work experience by a temporary work or job this summer.

My several prolonged trips abroad gave me a big flexibility and open-mindedness by developing my capacity of adaptation. Furthermore, my recent experiences in education and in the association world emphasized my capacities to work as a team, never mind their diversities.
My experience in the AIESEC association, an international student association (a company-student network) introduced me to the trades and to the telemarketing through different trainings about the interviews, the sale and the network. What’s more, my post as manager of the members contributed to my direct overview in a post of responsibility as manager. These various opportunities of leadership also added up to several projects of organization of events in my university. Indeed, I am stimulated and motivated by organizing projects and events.
I take the liberty of apply to any work and post in order to join your working team for enriching my professional experience and financing my different international projects. Motivated, creative and dynamic, I am open-mind, persevering and organized. Through an effective and methodical work, I hope to tally with the specific profile searched and to answer your expectations.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I remain,
Sincerely yours

Perle ALLIGAND

[David L.]

Dear Sir

Presently studying I am currently studying

economic, commercial and management :
Either
Economics, Commerce and Management
or
economic and commercial management

in HEC Montreal in Canada, and I would like to complete supplement my work experience by with a some temporary position or job this summer.

My several Several prolonged extensive trips abroad gave have given me a big degree of flexibility and open-mindedness by developing my capacity of for adaptation adaptability.

Furthermore, my recent experiences in education and in the association world and emphasized my capacities to work as in a team, never mind their diversities. irrespective of the diversity of its members.

(I don't like what I've written in this paragraph; and I don't understand the first part. Firstly, what do you have in mind when you refer to 'worlds associated with Education? And the reader (prospective employer) can't immediately see how 'experiences in education' make you 'a good team player' - there's a jump in the logic that needs to be explained.)


My experience in the AIESEC association, an international student association (a company-student network) introduced me to the trades and to the telemarketing through different trainings about the interviews, the sale and the network. What’s more, my post as manager of the members contributed to my direct overview in a post of responsibility as manager. These various opportunities of leadership also added up to several projects of organization of events in my university. Indeed, I am stimulated and motivated by organizing projects and events.
I take the liberty of apply to any work and post in order to join your working team for enriching my professional experience and financing my different international projects. Motivated, creative and dynamic, I am open-mind, persevering and organized. Through an effective and methodical work, I hope to tally with the specific profile searched and to answer your expectations.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I remain,
Sincerely yours