Need urgent help for my motivation letter

[agatti]

I would like be very glad if someone could check my letter, considering the English grammer and content of it as a motivation letter. Thanks to everyone in advance.



Business, as a field, had always fascinated me right from my childhood, since the days that I spent at my mother’s company and this fascination grew more and more with me. I believe my penchant for this field stems from the fact that influence of business over the people are increasing day by day in all over the world. Especially, International Business is playing an important role in it, together with expanding globalisation.
My main motivation for studying the bachelor’s programme is my intent to study in an international environment and my ambition to gain knowledge and expertise on international business in order to have a successful career which I feel myself very belong to it.
The international background also allows me to be a part of the international environment in both socially and academic. Since I was born to a family from Bulgaria and grown up in Turkey, I had the chance to know two different cultures and learned to use the combination of the differences that these both cultures have in my life with full of respect to people in my environment. But the biggest challenge and also the biggest advantage that I had in my background as an international person, was the time I have decided to continue to my education in The Netherlands. The country is very multicultural and had a lot of positive impact on my personal development, such as adaptation to different cultures and living in an multicultural and international environment. It was an important challenge for me, because this time I was being alone in a country with totally different culture that I have never had experienced before. My educational background has also instilled in me the qualities required to meet the rigor of this demanding profession. I have been successfully studying International Business and Management Studies at *** University and graduation in high school, which has its education based on mathematics and science, allowed me to have a significant development on my analytical skills and use of it in practical life. Furthermore, I am very attracted by the ‘Problem Based Learning’. Problem based learning combines gaining soft skills and academic knowledge. As a result of being studied science and mathematics, I was educated to work-oriented. I believe that working on concrete problems and my gains from my education in international business at my current education will help me to deal with subjects taught in the bachelor programme International Business Administration. In that reason, I can confidently say that the programme fits to my perception of my future academic studies.
My motivation for the programme also comes from information that I achieved through students, graduates and academic staff from *** University together with the information I collected on open day and internet. Especially, the graduates and students helped me to have proper and actual information about the university. The university is providing limitless opportunities to its student for their personal development in all areas of life such as academic, professional and social. I witnessed all these great opportunities and high quality of education that the university provides also by living in Rotterdam for more than one year. Good reputation of high quality education and standards, an extremely distinguished academic staff are also the factors that made me very confident about my decision to continue my education as a part of the *** University and I am sure that studying in *** University is the best decision for me and for my future.
Due to the results of the information I have gathered via different sources, I am also very confident to become a successful student at *** University and also in my future as a professional. I am a very ambitious and determined person with a huge interest in business. These characteristics plays crucial role to achieve success. Together with that, I experienced the leadership and co-operation abilities that I have, in my background. I have been in student communities in my previous educations and played football in a club and school teams which I also served as a captain for a season. I also have been a very social person with a wide variety of activities that I have participated in my background. These activities were, such as acting on school theatre and guitar lessons. Even though, these are not directly related to my future profession, they helped my personal development on a very positive way. Currently, I am a mentor at Erasmus Student Network Rotterdam. The organisation helps to the exchange students from different countries of Europe, on their adaptation process to The Netherlands and Rotterdam also with any kind of problems that they have during their stay in the city. Via these activities, I am gaining more knowledge about different cultures and interrelation with different people, by mentoring and organising events I develop my leadership, co-ordination and cooperation skills. In order to be successful in the professional, it is also very important to be a qualified person and to distinguish myself from others. I can achieve this goal by having the combination of my characteristics, a good education but also other values that I could bring into my profession. In that reason, I am learning Spanish and Dutch while considering the huge impact on technology in business, I also improve my ability on inter-active practices by learning different computer programs such as Adobe Photoshop, Adobe illustrator, AutoCAD and Corel Draw.
I am looking forward to this position, a huge opportunity of achieving prestigious academic knowledge and experience of excitement and satisfaction of being a part of your university. Based on my academic knowledge and experience on this area as an International Business and Management Studies student, I believe that I have the capability and potential to be successful at ***University. Thank you for your time and consideration. I will be more than happy to provide any further information or documents, if required.

[Anglika]

Divide into paragraphs and try to cut it by at least a third. Cut out anything that is not directly related to the theme.

It is too long.

Business has fascinated me right from childhood. I believe my penchant for this field stems from the fact that influence of business over the people are increasing day by day all over the world. International Business is playing an important role, together with expanding globalisation.

My main motivation for studying the bachelor’s programme is the chance to study in an international environment and my ambition is to gain knowledge and expertise in order to have a successful career.

[agatti]

Thanks Anglika for your help and interest.

I have already divided it into paragraphs but it doesnt seem so because I copy+pasted it.

Where exactly you think that are irrelevant ? All things I have mentioned there are relavent in some cases. at least that was what I thought. I would be happy if you could give more feedback about it.

[Anglika]

Be simple and straighforward in your statements. Padding text about your feelings or childhood are irrelevant.

[agatti]

Thanks so much again.
is there any grammer mistakes in it ? and what do you think about it as a motivation letter ?