[Essay] agree/consent

contiluo

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Taiwan
Current Location
Taiwan
Please help me make the following paragraph sound natural. Thanks a lot.

Last week you proposed forming a team to participate in a Reader’s Theater competition in Singapore next April. Being a substitute teacher, I'm not competent to answer your question which involves a higher level of responsibility than I have. Something like that should be dealt with by someone more senior than me because I have no authority to decide about it. Therefore, I have submitted your proposal to the Director Of Counseling. After we discussed and analyzed the feasibility assessment, we can’t agree with your request in spite of the fact that it is a good idea. There are for some reasons as follows. First, we are a public school, not a private school. We have difficulty raising money from parents or parent-teacher association. Honestly speaking, we don't think it’s a good deal to pay top dollar to pursue a dream that seems out of reach. Next, our principal won’t agree to pay out of his own pocket to sponsor this program. Last, but not least, we teachers have no ambition to achieve the goal which is totally out of our league. In conclusion, we don’t consent to your proposal. Thanks for your great enthusiasm and big help.
 

Charlie Bernstein

VIP Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Member Type
Other
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Please help me make the following paragraph sound natural. Thanks a lot.

Last week you proposed forming a team to participate in a Reader’s Theater competition in Singapore next April. Being a substitute teacher, I'm not competent to answer your question, which involves a higher level of responsibility than I have. Something like that should be dealt with by someone more senior than ​I am, because I have no authority to decide about it. Therefore, I have submitted your proposal to the Director Of Counseling. After we discussed and analyzed the feasibility assessment, we can’t agree with your request in spite of the fact that it is a good idea. There are ​several reasons​, as ​follow. First, we are a public school, not a private school. We have difficulty raising money from parents or ​the parent-teacher association. Honestly speaking, we don't think it’s a good deal to pay top dollar to pursue a dream that seems out of reach. Next, our principal won’t agree to pay out of his own pocket to sponsor this program. Last ​(no comma) but not least, we teachers are unable to achieve the goal​, which is ​outside our expertise and conflicts with our schedules. In conclusion, we don’t consent to your proposal. Thanks for your great enthusiasm and ​(delete big) help.

That was easy! Your written English is better than most native speakers'.

Note that I'm an American. We use the words "which" and "that" slightly differently than the British, and my fixes reflect American standards. Likewise, the question of "me" versus "I" versus "I am" shows my American bias.

Watch out for number agreement: a reason follows, reasons follow. (Actually, if it were my letter, I wouldn't even say "as follows." The reasons obviously follow.)

Your "we teachers" sentence made the teachers sound lazy. The changes you see come closer to what you probably mean.

Last, in American English (and maybe British, too), the expression "big help" is often used sarcastically and might be read as an insult. Even it it weren't, your use of "big help" in your sentence isn't natural (or needed).
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
I agree about the potential sarcasm contained in "big help". If I were being genuine, I'd say that someone was/had been "very/really helpful"
 
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