ANYONE CAN PROOFREAD THIS ESSAY ? PLEASE

[ANKY8769]

I am a final year student at the Institute of Chartered Accountant of India (ICAI). After completing my schooling, I started my chartered accountancy course on my parent’s advice. But I always wanted to do such things which I love and can do for hours without getting tired.
Studying for my final exam at the ICAI, I found myself especially interested in finance-related subjects.
Now I realised that this is the thing I can do for hours or years. And I am very much passionate about gaining financial knowledge & joining CFA course.
I am very much excited to study the recommend 250 hours or even more than that for the first exam and for following two rigorous exams in the next 3 years to come.
I hope while studying for CFA I will gain knowledge that will lead to my intellectual growth.
The CFA will provide me with wisdom, standards and ethics to be a better manager and leader and helps me to serve my nation.
My ambitions after my CFA are to go into the corporate world as a financial analyst and adviser with great intellectual skills so as to deliver value addition to my clients.

My goal is to complete the CFA exams in next 3 years and the CFA access scholarship would help me achieve my goal of becoming a CFA charterholder faster as I would otherwise spend a long period saving up for the exam fees or will have to rely on borrowings.

Thank you for taking the time to review my application. Any financial help or program fees will be greatly appreciated and put to best use.

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

The first thing you should do is click on Edit Post and capitalise the word "I" every time it appears, then click Save.

Your thread title has two major errors:
1) It should not all be in capitals. That is the online equivalent of shouting.
2) Your word order is incorrect for a question. It should say "Can anyone proofread this essay?" (Don't leave a space before a question mark.)

 

[emsr2d2]

I am a final year student at the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI).

After completing my schooling, I started my chartered accountancy course on the advice of my parents. [STRIKE]parent’s advice.[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]But[/STRIKE]

I always wanted to do [STRIKE]such things[/STRIKE] it anyway because [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] I love accountancy and can do it for hours without getting tired.

While studying for my final exam at the ICAI, I found myself especially interested in finance-related subjects.

[STRIKE]Now[/STRIKE] I realised that this is the thing I can do for hours or years. (This is a strange sentence.)

[STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] I am very [STRIKE]much[/STRIKE] passionate about gaining financial knowledge [STRIKE]&[/STRIKE] and [STRIKE]joining[/STRIKE] taking a CFA course.

I am very [STRIKE]much[/STRIKE] excited [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] about studying for the recommended 250 hours (or even more than that) to prepare for the first exam and for the following two rigorous exams in the [STRIKE]next[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]3[/STRIKE] three years [STRIKE]to come[/STRIKE] after that.

I hope that, while studying for the CFA, I will gain knowledge that will lead to my intellectual growth.

The CFA will provide me with wisdom, standards and ethics to be a better manager and leader and [STRIKE]helps[/STRIKE] will help me to serve my [STRIKE]nation[/STRIKE] country.

My ambitions after my CFA are to [STRIKE]go into[/STRIKE] ​enter the corporate world as a financial analyst and adviser with great intellectual skills [STRIKE]so as[/STRIKE] and to [STRIKE]deliver[/STRIKE] be a [STRIKE]value[/STRIKE] valuable [STRIKE]addition[/STRIKE] asset to my clients.

My goal is to complete the CFA exams in next [STRIKE]3[/STRIKE] three years, and the CFA access scholarship would help me achieve my goal of becoming a CFA charterholder faster. [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] Otherwise, I would [STRIKE]otherwise[/STRIKE] have to spend a long period saving up for the exam fees or [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would have to rely on [STRIKE]borrowings[/STRIKE] loans.

Thank you for taking the time to review my application. Any financial help [STRIKE]or[/STRIKE] with the program fees [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would be greatly appreciated. [STRIKE]and put to best use.[/STRIKE]

See my changes above. I realised only towards the end that is part of an official application. As such, some of your post should be removed. You really don't need to talk about your parents' advice, and the part about saving up and borrowing is, in my opinion, too informal for such an application. I would also remove the parts about being able to do accountancy for hours/years etc. Such phrases come across as rather childish.

You should concentrate less on why you want to study and the fact that you want financial assistance, but more on why they should specifically choose you​ over any other applicant.

 

[Rover_KE]

Thank you. [STRIKE]sir[/STRIKE]

You must not assume that all respondents are male.

emsr2d2 is one of the forum's well-respected and highly competent female teachers.