As developing countries adopt a western diet

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Silverobama

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I wrote the following short paragrpah:

As developing countries adopt a western diet, because the incidence of high cholesterol is increasing, people need to understand that high cholesterol is a significant risk factor for stroke and heart disease.

The intended meaning is: In those developing countries which have adopted a western diet (fast food, junk food, etc), their (the people's) cholesterol levels have increased. Let's say before the people in developing countries got used to fast food and junk food, their cholesterol levels were not high, but after they adopted the eating style, their cholesterol levels became higher and high cholesterol level is a meaningful risk factor for some cardivascular diseases.

Please help me with the italic sentence.

Changed the original dash to a comma.
 
Last edited:
The dash should be a comma.
 
I would rewrite it as follows:

1. As developing countries adopt a Western diet, the rising incidence of high cholesterol highlights the need for people to understand that it is a major risk factor for stroke and heart diseases.

2. As developing countries adopt a Western diet, the incidence of high cholesterol is on the rise. People need to understand that it is a major risk factor for stroke and heart diseases.
 
I wrote the following short paragraph:

As developing countries adopt a western diet, because the incidence of high cholesterol is increasing,
That suggests people are adopting Western diets because they have high cholesterol!
Let's say before the people in developing countries got used to fast food and junk food, their cholesterol levels were not high,
I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.
high cholesterol level is a meaningful real risk factor for some cardiovascular diseases.

Please help me with the italic sentence.
Try:
As more and more people in developing countries adopt Western fast food diets, the incidence (rates) of heart disease and stroke are increasing, because of the high cholesterol (levels) associated with such diets.
 
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