As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?


As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole in the hope of having a passionate night with her. "I gotta tell you, I think your attractiveness is a reflection of your mom's. She is hot," he smirked.

"You think my mom is hot?", she scolded. "That is super weird."

Realizing the gaffe he'd just made, Jack went into damage control mode. His eyes were moving fast between her furrowed brows and the road. A cold sweat began to trickle down his face. "No, I mean she is hot because she looks young just like you," he stuttered. A red light began to flash in his mind. When you are in a hole stop digging please, a voice echoed in his head.

Uncomfortable, Nicole shrunk back in her seat, trying to end the conversation. An awkward silence descended on the car/settled between them.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this correct and natural?


As they were driving home later that night, Jack tried to joke with Nicole in the hope of having a [STRIKE]passionate[/STRIKE] night of passion with her. "I gotta tell you, I think your attractiveness is a reflection of your mom's. She's [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] hot!"he smirked.

"You think my mom is hot?", she scolded. "That is super weird."

Realizing the gaffe he'd just made, Jack went into damage control mode. His eyes were moving fast between her furrowed brows and the road. A cold sweat began to trickle down his face. "No, I mean she is hot because she looks young just like you," he stuttered. A red light began to flash in his mind. When you are in a hole, stop digging [STRIKE]please[/STRIKE], [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] said his inner voice. [STRIKE]echoed in his head.[/STRIKE]

Uncomfortable, Nicole shrunk back in her seat. [STRIKE]trying to end the conversation.[/STRIKE] An awkward silence descended. [STRIKE]on the car/settled between them.[/STRIKE]

Note my suggested changes above.

"Smirked" isn't an alternative to "said". You need a different verb; one that does mean "said". Failing that, you could end the preceding sentence at "She's hot!" and then make "He smirked" a separate sentence. Then it would be clear that he said those words and then he smirked.