David arrived home and took a shower.

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alpacinou

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Is this correct and natural?

David arrived home and took a shower. He felt as though Jen's smell still lingered in his nose. The image of her figure was imprinted on his mind, constantly breaking into his thoughts.
 
It's natural enough.

I would delete "He felt as though" and say:

Jen's scent still lingered in his nose.
 
How about:
The image of her figure was imprinted on his mind, constantly [STRIKE]breaking into[/STRIKE] appearing in his thoughts.
 
I might say:

He thought about her often.
 
Your "breaking into" is stronger than "appearing in."
 
Your "breaking into" is stronger than "appearing in."

"Breaking into" implies something entering with force. Would that be natural when used with mental images?
 
"Breaking into" implies something entering with force.

That's right. That's why it's a stronger image.


Would that be natural when used with mental images?

It seems natural to me.
But what do I know? Not much!
 
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