[General] Editing

[roberta langs]

Andrew,

Throughout the years, I've (should i spell out I have) been so proud and impressed ( for the effort instead of with all?) with all (should I omit all) the effort you (you've)put into everything you do. Something doesn't sound right here? did?

Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences (should I just put and) as well as accomplishments, (Should I omit exciting or accomplishments, or leave both?) and you should be so proud yourself.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always - Mom


or

Throughout the years Andrew, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort you put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences as well as accomplishments, and you should proud of yourself.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you!

Love always - Mom

This letter is being published in his yearbook.

I would really appreciate your help. If there is anything you might add to help me, as i have been having a rough time writing this, please do so.

 

[riquecohen]

Andrew,

Throughout the years, I've (should i spell out I have) been so proud and impressed ( for the effort instead of with all?) with all (should I omit all) the effort you (you've)put into everything you do. Something doesn't sound right here? did?

Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences (should I just put and) as well as accomplishments, (Should I omit exciting or accomplishments, or leave both?) and you should be so proud yourself.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always - Mom


or

Throughout the years, Andrew, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort you´ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences [STRIKE]as well as[/STRIKE] and accomplishments[STRIKE], and[/STRIKE]; you should be proud of yourself.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you!

Love always - Mom

This letter is being published in his yearbook.

I would really appreciate your help. If there is anything you might add to help me, as i have been having a rough time writing this, please do so.

I prefer the second version. I´ve made a few small changes. BTW, I believe that everything he´s accomplished is due, in no small part, to the fact that he has a good mother. Congratulations!

 

[roberta langs]

Thank you so much for the compliment. I actually cried. I'm a single mom and my son turned out to be an amazing man.

I do have a couple more questions:

1) Do you think it would better if we just put his name at the beginning as if we were writing a letter? Also I added a sentence before Believe in yourself. Is there anything that needs to be corrected there. What do you think? I put a lot of time with the wording into this letter.

2) For my own knowledge how come we use "with" instead of "for" all your effort...

Andrew,

Throughout the years, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort you've put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought so many wonderful and exciting experiences, and accomplishments; you should be so (should I leave "so" in there) proud of yourself.

You are an amazing son who has (who's) grown into an amazing (young)man and I love you.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always - Mom

 

[riquecohen]

Thank you so much for the compliment. I actually cried. I'm a single mom and my son turned out to be an amazing man.

I do have a couple more questions:

1) Do you think it would better if we just put his name at the beginning as if we were writing a letter? Not necessarily. It´s just a matter of which style you prefer (or which goes better in the format of the yearbook.) My personal preference would be your original construction.Also I added a sentence before Believe in yourself. Is there anything that needs to be corrected there. What do you think? I put a lot of time with the wording into this letter. See below.

2) For my own knowledge how come we use "with" instead of "for" all your effort...The prepositon relates to the verb that it follows. It´s usually proud of and impressed by or with. In your sentence, proud can stand by itself or, if you prefer, proud of you. You should use impressed by or with. (You can thank someone for all their effort.) It is difficult to answer why. Prepositions in English are very difficult and often lack logical explanations.
Andrew,

Throughout the years, I've always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you've put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought so many wonderful and exciting experiences, and accomplishments; you should be so (should I leave "so" in there) proud of yourself. Take it out.

You are an amazing son who has[STRIKE] (who's) [/STRIKE]grown into an amazing man and I love you.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always - Mom

My suggestions: proofread carefully, omit the comma after experiences. Young man is fine.

 

[roberta langs]

Here is my final draft for my son's yearbook. Would you please read and edit where needed. I'm not sure that English language is proper. Thanks a million.


Andrew Frosini

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you should be proud of yourself.

You’ve ( or You grew) grown (to be a ) into a fine, young man with such kindness and compassion (for or toward) others (omit - that any mother would want in a son or would be proud of) and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son (to have a son like you.)

(or this sentence .. I've (when do I know to spell out - I've,) watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion (toward or for others (omit... that any mother would want in a son.... or any mother would be proud of ...or keep it. ) ( ... and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son. (to have a son like you)

(Which sentence do you like? I'm all over the place trying to make sure it's perfect. I'm driving myself a little nuts, lol. I would love your thoughts.)

* I last had you edit this which I'm undecided - Your amazing son who has grown into an amazing man and I love you.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always ~ Mom



Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

Your Brother ~ Nick

 

[roberta langs]

Do we talk to the same teacher for the same thread? I'm new here.

 

[roberta langs]

Riquechon - would you be able to help me still?

 

[riquecohen]

Riquechon - would you be able to help me still?

Sure can. I was looking for your post of last night when this one appeared. I´ll start reviewing it now. Hang on awhile.

 

[riquecohen]

Here is my final draft for my son's yearbook. Would you please read and edit where needed. I'm not sure that English language is proper. Thanks a million.


Andrew Frosini

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought you many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you should be proud of yourself.

You[STRIKE]’ve ( or You grew)[/STRIKE] have grown[STRIKE] (to be a )[STRIKE] into[/STRIKE][/STRIKE]into a fine, young man with such kindness and compassion [STRIKE](for or toward)[/STRIKE] toward others.[STRIKE] (omit - that any mother would want in a son or would be proud of ) [/STRIKE][STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] I've been truly blessed to have you as my son.
[STRIKE]
(or this sentence .. I've (when do you spell out -[/STRIKE] I have watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward[STRIKE](toward or for others (omit... that any mother would want in a son.... or any mother would be proud of ...or keep it. )[/STRIKE] ( ... and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son. (to have a son like you)

(Which sentence do you like? I would love your thoughts.) Either one is fine; I prefer the first.
Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always ~ Mom



Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

Your Brother ~ Nick

Roberta- What you´ve written is from your heart. I understand that you want it to be perfect, but, IMO, the content is more important than the grammar. (Not that there´s anything wrong with your grammar.) You may be wondering why, in some places, I`ve left the contractions as they are, and in others, I´ve written the complete words. This is just a matter of style, and of what sounds better to me. It´s not a question of one being wrong and the other right. Please note that I´ve separated the 2nd paragraph into 2 sentences. My computer skills aren´t very good, but I hope that I´ve made everything clear.
FYI-Anyone reading the post can respond to it. I´ve enjoyed working on yours.

 

[roberta langs]

You have helped me tremendously and I'm grateful for all your help. I promise this is the last!

Question - Is the 2nd paragraph below suppose to have the period after others? You did have others crossed out. I'm assuming you wanted that left in?

You have grown into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward others(.) I've been truly blessed to have you as my son.

or... and I truly have been blessed "having" "to have" you as my son - your thoughts - I don't like this one too much.
or and (I am) truly blessed to have you as my son

** What does IMO mean?

**I see what you mean with you've and I've. At certain times it sounds better with one or the other. What about keeping the letter consistent?

**You put a lot of thought into your work! I'm glad I had a chance to work with you.
:-D

 

[riquecohen]

You have helped me tremendously and I'm grateful for all your help. I promise this is the last!

Question - Is the 2nd paragraph below suppose to look like this or is there a period after others. You did have others crossed out. I'm assuming you wanted that left in? You are right. I crossed out others only in the second version of your second paragraph and didn´t proofread it carefully enough, because I preferred the first version.

You have grown into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward others(.) I've been truly blessed (having you) or (to have you) as my son. I believe I put the period there when I deleted and.

or... and I truly have been blessed "having" you as my son - your thoughts - I don't like this one too much. Either one works. I prefer to have you.
or and (I am) truly blessed to have you as my son
** What does IMO mean? In my opinion.
:-D

Henry

 

[roberta langs]

Hello - it's me again. I have one last post, I promise.

 

[roberta langs]

Oh, lord, what version was the one you preferred? I think I misunderstood.

 

[riquecohen]

1- I preferred the first version of your second paragraph.
2- I preferred "to have you as my son." I liked it better than "having you..."
See also Rover´s response to your other post. I agree with his change of should to can in the 1st sentence.

 

[roberta langs]

1) You have grown into... or
2) I have watched you grow ...

This has gotten a little complicated with the versions which one did you prefer? Feeling really stupid...

 

[roberta langs]

Hello, how are you this morning? I'm sorry about the confusion but did you see my other post to you?

 

[riquecohen]

Hi-
Saw your last post this morning. Haven´t posts #11 and 14 clarified things?
I preferred "you have grown into..." Let me say again that most of your questions deal with matters of style and preference; in these cases there are no right or wrong answers. Trust your instincts and choose what sounds right to you.

 

[roberta langs]

Sorry, I figured that out after re-reading through our post. Rover had sent over a revision so I got confused. I didn't know others can do that and I would rather stick with one as it can get a bit confusing. There are some questions about grammar and some with preference. Thanks for all your help.

He liked and started his off with I've watched you grow.... so I got confused when you sent over "you have grown" because he stated that it was a formal way of writing versus intimate. What are your thoughts? Why would we use "can instead of should?"

I didn't know that my letter was out there like that.

 

[riquecohen]

Anyone can reply. Can says that "he is able to be" while should is more of a recommendation,

 

[roberta langs]

Thank you for encouraging me to trust my instincts and for the knowledge with English and grammar.