[Essay] ESSAY ABOUT THE USE OF DRONES

[bounaykut]

Hello, I'm a newcomer and here to take advantage of facility of editing essay.Would you check out my essay below please?

Drones are known as unmanned aerial vehicles most likely used to decimate enemy combatants.Sometimes, using these fatal weapons
could harm civilians despite its success in killing enemies.Therefore,the use of drones in warfare should not be authorized by international peace organizations.

First of all, drones are not infallible, which might give rise to bomb nontarget places such as hospitals,schools and houses.It is not reasonable to kill innocent local people in an attemp to bomb enemies.Take the conflict between Philistine and Israel, for instance.Israel drones took huge number of civilians' lives accidentally even though their actual target is armed militants.Because direction of unmanned aerial vehicles(UAVs) controlled by soldiers, drones could pose undesirable casualties.

Secondly,it is also well-known fact that strikes does not completely eradicate enemies or terrorists and conversely they cause opponents to be filled with revenge.The following is case in a point.In the east of Turkey, there have been persistent terrorist attacks for the purposes of obtaining sovereignty and establishing an independent Kurdis state.Accordingly, Turkish army utilize UAVs in response to terrorist attacks.Nonetheless,it is naked truth that terrorist activities are not actually overcome with the drone strikes and,worse still, militants respond to them angrily instead of withdrawing.

It is,on the other hand, asserted that drones lessen the need for armed soldiers,thereby costing much less expenditure for a country.However,having said that, to direct drones requires experienced soldiers.Therefore, drone-users should be specialized in controlling them.Eventually, it is just the tip of iceberg that using drones would decrease military costs.
To sum up, they target not only enemies but also unaware children,the elderly and the disabled although drones add a mighty power to an army in wars.From a moral standpoint, they are not regarded as an acceptable way to deal with enemies or terrorists.


Thanks in advance.

 

[bounaykut]

Anyone who can correct my mistakes? I'm going to take an exam on August 15. so i need to improve my writing definetely with your supports.

 

[Barb_D]

To clarify - this is a practice essay? Done on your own? You don't have a teacher/tutor?

 

[konungursvia]

Is this a high school or university essay? If it is a very young person, say aged 12-14, it is a good essay. If you are in secondary school or university, it would be weak.

1. You provide no facts, figures or sources to show that costs are apparently reduced, but in reality increased by their use. You just assert it.

2. You make a moral conclusion, whereas to do so you should have some ethical argumentation to back up the conclusion. You can't persuade the reader by making unsubstantiated financial and logistical statements, and then concluding from that that drones are immoral.

Agreeing with your opinion does not make the reader find it a good essay. You need to develop one or more lines of reasoning.

 

[bounaykut]

It is the essay that i wrote to practise my writing for upcoming exam that i must get a passing grade to be admitted into my department.The exam is evaluated out of 100 and i have to get a mark of 56 at the least to pass.

By the way, i definetely appreciate and agree with the last comment .As far as i understand, you suggest that there are problems with the third body paragraph and the conclusion so other parts are all right.

 

[Barb_D]

So here are a few things.
1. Always, always capitalize the personal pronoun "I." I know it isn't in your essay, but it's in your post and it's lazy.
2. Leave a space after your punctuation marks.
3. Use the abbreviation after the first time you use the phrase "Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs)" and then UAV/UAVs after that. You used the abbreviation rather in your essay.
4. Don't use phrases like "It's a well-known fact" for things that people can disagree on. Some people will no doubt argue that drones are highly effective, especially in comparison with human casualties on the striking side, so it can't be "a fact."

 

[Raymott]

As far as i understand, you suggest that there are problems with the third body paragraph and the conclusion so other parts are all right.

I haven't read the essay carefully, but a criticism of your third paragraph and the conclusion doesn't mean the rest is alright. I'd say your understanding is wrong. The 'so' clause is illogical.

 

[Amigos4]

Using the "Check Spelling/Grammar" function of your computer would be helpful! ;-)