[Grammar] have finally

[Ashiuhto]

Are the following sentences natural?

1. I have finally received the money from Bank of China today.
2. In fact, the money Mom wired me three days ago had already credited to my account of BOC on August 7.
3. However, the ATM can not show US dollars on my account.
4. I didn't know what key link went wrong and I was burning with anxiety.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

There are only a few very small improvements you could make. What are you writing this for? Why are the sentences numbered?

 

[Ashiuhto]

This is an email sending me by my son. I found some mistakes and revised the sentences, so I gave a number to each sentence. However, I am not sure whether the sentences are natural.

 

[Matthew Wai]

2. In fact, the money Mom wired me three days ago had already credited to my account of BOC on August 7.

Should 'been' be added before 'credited'?

 

[emsr2d2]

Are the following sentences natural?

1. I [strike]have[/strike] finally received the money from the Bank of China today.
I would use the simple past if you put "today" at the end of the sentence. If you remove "today", I would use the present perfect.

2. In fact, the money Mom wired me three days ago had already been credited to my BOC account [strike]of BOC[/strike] on August 7.

3. However, the ATM [strike]can not[/strike] cannot/does not show US dollars on my account.

4. I didn't know what key link went wrong and I was burning with anxiety.

See my amendments above to sentences 1, 2 and 3. I don't know what "key link" means in sentence 4. I find "burning with anxiety" rather flowery and poetic. In normal, everyday speech, we would say something like "I was really worried".

 

[Ashiuhto]

#4. Here "key link" intended to mean "slipped up somewhere."
eg 1. We must have slipped up shomewhere.
2. The accountant slipped up and sent out too large bonus checks.
3. The police slipped up and let the criminal go free.

I don't know how to express the idea in a natural way.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Oh!

"Slipped up" is good. It's informal and conversational. "Made a mistake" is also good.

I didn't understand "key link" either.

 

[Ashiuhto]

#4 I didn't know what went wrong with the transfer and I was really worried.