he was so tired the veins in his eyes were red

[alpacinou]

Is this good?

James looked in the mirror. He was so tired the tiny veins in his eyes had become bright red and swollen.

 

[emsr2d2]

Didn't I already say that "swollen" isn't a good fit with the veins in someone's eyes?

 

[alpacinou]

Didn't I already say that "swollen" isn't a good fit with the veins in someone's eyes?

I thought maybe it didn't work in that situation. I wanted to try it in another situation.

 

[emsr2d2]

Are you familiar with the phrase "bloodshot eyes"? That's what you're describing.

 

[alpacinou]

Are you familiar with the phrase "bloodshot eyes"? That's what you're describing.

I like learning new things.

Is this good?

James looked in the mirror, staring at himself with bloodshot eyes. He yearned for his cozy bed. But he had to stay up until the morning to finish the project.

 

[emsr2d2]

I like learning new things.

Is this good?

James [STRIKE]looked[/STRIKE] stared at himself in the mirror, [STRIKE]staring at himself with[/STRIKE] his eyes bloodshot [STRIKE]eyes[/STRIKE] [with tiredness]. He yearned for his cozy bed no full stop here but he had to stay up until [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] morning to finish the project.

See above for my suggested changes (I think they're improvements but that's up to you).

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Those are all good suggestions. And just for entertainment, you might look up the many uses of redeye and red-eye.