[Grammar] How was my English in the Passage ?

[Mohammed Niyas Deen]

[h=3]Yesterday, around 2 PM, when I was in a library and thinking about the noetic science explained by Don brown in his book "The Last Symbol", there was snowing outside. I was quite excited, because it was the third time during my stay in South Korea for higher studies. I have tried to take pictures but unfortunately my battery was running low. So I put down my mobile and stopped thinking about science and watched the snowing whole heartedly. It was a wonderful moment.[/h]

 

[MikeNewYork]

I would change "there was snowing outside" to "it was snowing (outside)". "Outside" is not needed because it is the only place it snows. I would also change "I have tried to take pictures" to "I tried to take pictures".

 

[tedmc]

The author is Dan Brown.
Noetic Science should be capitalized.
The time is written as 2.00 pm.
I am not sure the collocation is appropriate - watch wholeheartedly.

 

[Matthew Wai]

I am not sure the collocation is appropriate - watch wholeheartedly.

I am quite sure 'whether' is missing after 'sure' above.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Matthew, the sentence is fine without "whether". There also could be "that" there, but it is also not needed.

 

[emsr2d2]

The time is written as 2.00 pm.

It can be written as 2pm.

 

[tedmc]

"PM" is not capitalized though.
I think "watch intently" would be better.

 

[MikeNewYork]

It can be written as 2 PM also. I agree with you about "intently".