ielts essay

s.vet

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hello!
Could you please read my ielts essay and tell me my approximate score?and please tell me your segestions to how can i make it better.
thank you

ielts essay
Topic: employers and employees


There are different sort of employers In every businesses. Some of them are care about their employees and In addition to the business they want to give them extra bonuses, provide insurance for their family , job promotions and keep them motivating. But there Is reverse employers neither, the only thing that they care about It Is how much money that they earn even they can reach to this goal by paying less salary or having less workforce.

On the one hand, employees of the first kind of employers feeling less stress and strain of every day working life, It Is sensible that It impressed on their working quality, communication with other colleagues, paying respect to the employer and feeling responsibility for their job, hence, In this way the quality of working and the effectual time could be increased ( the aim of employers). Psychological researches showed that this employees also would be even more fulfilling In their personal families, consequently, all of these could be leading to a thriving government. Although this way could be a good one, excess surly can have even more harmful because, misspend would happen as the result and furthermore, indolence could be another pursuit of this situation so, all of the endevoures could have reverse result.

In the other hand, the second kind of employers, though, do not provide facilities Which Is necessary for their comfort, want them to work more hours or even with less salary. It could be leading to high level of stress, feeling depressed and even It could be the cause of violence and misconduct with clients. Hence, the way that employers treat with their employees and how much they are successful to make them feel amenity Is not only refers to the employees, It also can impressed the level of their job. Therefore, even If earning too much money Is the important thing that the employer think about, treating In this way do not lead them to their goal and can even direct them to the converse situation.

In conclusion, how the employers treat with their employees, what facilities that they provide is will back to employers only. clearly In this way the employers could earn even more and also It makes more job satisfaction.
 
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emsr2d2

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If you're taking the exam, have you not noticed that IELTS is capitalised every time it's written? Please edit your post to correct that error before we carry on. While you're at it, capitalise the first word of every sentence and every instance of the word "I".

Where did you find that essay prompt? It's very vague.
 

teechar

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Hi s.vet, and welcome to the forum. :)

You can click on the "Edit Post" button at the bottom of your post to make the amendments suggested by emsr2d2.
 
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