[Essay] ielts essay

s.vet

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Hello!
Could you please give me some feedback about my essay and help me to make it better?
It contsists of 319 words.

The internet will never replace traditional coursebooks in schools. To what extend do you agree with this prediction?

In this contemporary age, internet is a virtually modern and present-day technology, despite it has been developed and accepted in major of cases. In my opinion and as regards, traditional course books still have their role in schools and school curriculum, we could be able to realize that internet will never replace conventional course books.

On the one hand, due to the further or higher antecedent of books; beside, long time they have been taught, there are verity kinds of evidence to show and demonstrate that books could be comprehensive and complete sources for teacher to put them in school curriculum. Moreover, most of the teachers have the experience of teach and work based on books and plainly they wont accept the replacing books with internet easily. Furthermore, this replacing required assign a high amount budget which this in itself needs an extra schematization and planning, that all of this procedures will required spending a lot of time; hence, that would not achieve swimmingly.

On the other hand, regards to the daily development of technology and the need of modern human to exert the internet, the need of schools and teachers of using the internet would be crucial and undeniable; in addition, some of invaluable references are ancient; hence, we can not attain and use them in schools. Therefore, it is required to use the digital versions instead of the original books and sources. Furthermore, todays students are acquainted and feel more familiar with internet; thus, they would be more interested in using the internet and even it might leading to better results in their grade.

In conclusion, the significance of internet in schools is undeniable and the dependence of teachers or students on internet is perspicuous; however, that is sensible that traditional course books are inseparable parts of schools.
 
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teechar

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Hello!
Could you please [STRIKE]tell[/STRIKE] give me [STRIKE]your suggestions[/STRIKE] some feedback about my essay and help me to make it better?

It consists of 319 words.

The internet will never replace traditional coursebooks in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] schools. [STRIKE]How far[/STRIKE] To what extent do you agree with this prediction?
Note my corrections to the essay prompt. I Googled and found it on a couple of websites that didn't look all that reputable to me. Be careful which websites you go to for writing help.

In this contemporary age, internet is a virtually modern and present-day technology, despite it has been developed and accepted in major of cases. In my opinion and as regards, traditional course books still have their role in schools and school curriculum, we could be able to realize that internet will never replace conventional course books.
That's not an effective introduction.
1- Your opening sentence is ungrammatical, difficult to understand and not directly related to the key issue.
2- The other sentence is not much better; it's also ungrammatical and difficult to understand.

I strongly suggest you write clear and simple sentences and avoid unnecessarily complicating your texts. Most of what you wrote is difficult to follow.

Structure is very important in essay writing. The teacher/examiner wants to see how well you can organize your ideas.

Take a look at my post in the link below.

https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/threads/231730-University-Education

You're welcome to rewrite that essay and submit it below, but please take into account the above advice.

If you're finding writing essays difficult or frustrating, consider writing single paragraphs (or even individual sentences) and posting them to the forum.
 

emsr2d2

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Don't forget to capitalise "IELTS" whenever you write it, not the lower-case version you used in your title.
 

s.vet

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Thanks a lot for your feedback about my essay, what do you think about this introduction?is this better or not!?

For many students around the world, the preferred resources for learning at schools are still traditional course books. Although, the internet can influence on students learning and even can increase the speed of learning procedure, books have crucial roles at school curriculum. In my opinion this replacing requires more preparation in various spheres
 

teechar

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Thanks a lot for your feedback about my essay. What do you think about this introduction? Is this better or not?!

For many students around the world, the preferred resources for learning at schools are still traditional course books.
That's a clear and on-topic opening sentence. :up:

Although, the internet can [STRIKE]influence on[/STRIKE] help student learning and can even [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] increase the speed of the learning process, [STRIKE]procedure,[/STRIKE] books [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] still play a crucial role [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] in any school curriculum.

In my opinion this replacing requires more preparation in various spheres
That's ambiguous (what does "this replacing" refer to?) and does not answer the essay question. You need to take a clear position.
Do it again.
 
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