[Grammar] Kevin observed an old woman asking a young

Nikitus

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Hello.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

"Kevin observed an old woman asking a young and skinny blonde girl for the time. In that precise moment Kevin was frozen for a few seconds. His mind triggered a flashback."

Thanks.
 

Barb_D

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Grammatically, it's probably okay. I'd put a comma after "moment."
There is an issue for me saying "in that precise moment" and "frozen for a few seconds" -- those don't seem to be the same amount of time.
Also, we wouldn't say "his mind" triggered a flashback. I sight or an event might trigger one.
"a young and skinny blonde girl" sounds odd - "a skinny, young blonde girl" -- though you might prefer a word like "slender" or "slight."


I'd write it this way: Kevin saw an old woman asking a slender young blonde for the time. He froze, caught in a flashback.
 
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