[Essay] MA motivation letter

angelnumber222

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Hello everybody!
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Looking forward to get to this amazing MA programme I'm very interested in so I would really appreciate if somebody honest could read it and give me her/his opinion.
These are the requirements as stated by the University: Please describe your future plans and what you would like to learn and research at our University. What are the topics of the research you would like to do? Please be specific and explain how your previous education prepared you for this specific Master's programme. This will allow us to find out if your previous education is appropriate. Last but not least, include your interest in studying at our University (specific disciplines, facilities or other considerations).

And this is my letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying to your MA Tourism and Culture programme starting in September 2018. In 2011, I earned a Bachelor Degree in French language and literature from Faculty of Philosophy in X and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis. Afterwards I undertook several jobs in tourism and travel industry to gain as much professional expertise as possible in this field. Spending a part of my career abroad enriched my perspective and advanced my critical abilities but it also brought me a new sensitivity about the issues and challenges of the outer world. This led me to set a new career goal which is to get engaged in developing policies for more responsible and high-quality tourism. Given the extraordinary quality of the programmes at X University that combine courses with field experience, this would be a great way to achieve my professional aspirations.
Moreover, your interdisciplinary study approach would be an excellent opportunity to apply existentialism philosophical and literary understandings from my previous education in the context of tourism and culture. I would like to research how pursuit of existential authenticity through unique travel experiences can lead to sustainable tourism. Placing the entire responsibility on the individual can induce them to do more sustainable choices. Exploring these subjects in your multinational classrooms would help me to understand how different cultures experience travel.
Because I am a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student with a strong record of success, I am confident that I will exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your programme.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,
 
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tedmc

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Hello everybody!
1.gif
Looking forward to get to this amazing MA programme I'm very interested in so I would really appreciate if somebody honest could read it and give me her/his opinion.
These are the requirements as stated by the University: Please describe your future plans and what you would like to learn and research at our University. What are the topics of the research you would like to do? Please be specific and explain how your previous education prepared you for this specific Master's programme. This will allow us to find out if your previous education is appropriate. Last but not least, include your interest in studying at our University (specific disciplines, facilities or other considerations).

And this is my letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I [STRIKE]am applying to[/STRIKE] wish to apply for your MA Tourism and Culture programme starting in September 2018.

[STRIKE]In 2011,[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]earned [/STRIKE] gained [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] my bachelor's degree in French language and literature from the Faculty of Philosophy in X in 2011 and was honoured to be one of two students in my department who won the Excellent Bachelor Thesis award. Afterwards I undertook several jobs in the tourism and travel industry to gain as much professional expertiseas possible in this field. Spending a part of my career abroad has not only enriched my perspective and [STRIKE]advanced[/STRIKE] developed my critical abilities but [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] also[STRIKE] brought me[/STRIKE] helped me gain a new sensitivity about the issues and challenges of the [STRIKE]outer[/STRIKE] outside world. This has led me to set a new career goal which is to [STRIKE]get engaged [/STRIKE] be involved in developing policies for more responsible and high-quality tourism. [STRIKE]Given[/STRIKE] The extraordinary quality of the programmes at X University that combine coursework with field experience[STRIKE], this would be[/STRIKE] was a great way to achieve my professional aspirations.

[STRIKE]Moreover,[/STRIKE] Your interdisciplinary study approach would be an excellent opportunity for me to apply existentialism (the adjective is existential) philosophical and literary understanding[STRIKE]s [/STRIKE]from my previous education in the context of tourism and culture. I would like to research how pursuit of existential authenticity through unique travel experiences can lead to sustainable tourism. Placing the entire responsibility on the individual [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] would induce them to do more sustainable choices. Exploring these subjects in [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] a multinational classroom[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] setting which your university/department provides would help me to understand how different cultures experience travel.

Because I am a dynamic, ambitious and highly motivated student with a strong record of success, I am confident that I will exceed your expectations. Furthermore, my varied and rich background will add diversity to your programme.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours faithfully,
.

I do not understand the phrases underlined.
 

tedmc

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angelnumber
Could you please explain the underlined phrases?

On second thoughts, "obtained" instead of "gained my degree" may be better.
 
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